
November 2026 Magazine
This months magazine is a split effort with one of us in Middlesbrough and the other in California, (believe it or not just outside Stockton CA)
As Remembrance Sunday approaches, we reflect on the sacrifices made and the importance of remembering those who served. There are several articles in this magazine.
Pauline & Bob - co-editors..
Updated 1st November 2026
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Dear Friends,
I remember vaguely some thirty years ago a scene in Coronation Street: Alf Roberts, the Mayor of the fictional Weatherfield, had received an OBE, and was magnifying it to anyone who would listen. Why, he said, if there was a state banquet the Archbishop of Canterbury will sit on one side of the Queen and I shall sit next to the Archbishop. And so forth. I do not need to tell you when to laugh. But I remember my reaction in hearing that was a bit different. That was only a few years after I had arrived in England, so I knew very little of the history of this place even less about the history of the Church of England.
To someone from an atheist state this idea of a religious leader sitting next to the monarch at a banquet seemed amazing, and all the more because this was by state convention. I thought that the whole thing, not just Alf’s fantasy, was fictitious imagination. I did not know at the time that what he outlined was something real, and almost peculiar to the English.
Englishness is noticeable to the non-English, baffled as they are by it. They are baffled especially by the relations between the Church of England – the established church - and the state. Our Church is an established church, by which is meant that the state affords the church special status and functions by law, so making it a genuinely national institution.
History tells us that a combination of religious and political changes under King Henry VIII led to the Church in England to separate from the jurisdiction and authority of the Pope. So, it became the Church of England, with the monarch as its supreme governor or, in the language of Henry VIII himself, supreme head. King Henry and his successors appointed archbishops, bishops and clergy in England. and there are 26 bishops in the house of the Lords, known as Spiritual peers. Church
and State are intertwined. They intertwined with good reason. The state understands that it needs a Christian voice to speak to its conscience, and needs too a Christian voice to speak to its nation.
The Church, then, speaks to the whole nation. Here we come to where the whole of which are a necessary part. The parish system of the Church of England makes possible the spiritual and pastoral care of the entire nation. The Church seeks to be a Christian presence in every community in England. So pervasive has that idea been that till quite recently almost all English people would be baptised in their infancy, and would marry in their parish church or the like, and most likely would be sent out of this world by a Christian priest, with the words ‘Lord, thou lettest thy servant depart in peace’. Much of this survives, even if in a lower key.
At the Christmas season, the nativity crib is still displayed in public spaces, Christmas carols blare forth from loud speakers everywhere. English national holidays (derived from Holy days) are followed in the civil as well as the Christian calendar. Most schools have Christian school assemblies, whilst there are Christian chapels and chaplains in every hospital. Military chaplains accompany soldiers onto the battlefield with prayers, other pastoral care and medical aid (even, very rarely, with military guidance). People’s lives are intertwined with Christian faith and the Christian Church.
In the twenty-first century, the influences of Christianity and the Church of England have grown more diffuse. I often think that as a nation, the people of this country do badly to forget the belief of their ancestors and all that it gives to English culture. It has made the England what it is. Christianity is part of an English identity. This is by no means any sort of exclusive nationalism. The traditional belief of the Church of England serves all people in England if it will let them, for the Church does not exclude anyone, even though they may not have the same belief as all or any Christians.
So, let us reflect: to recover the Christian faith is to follow English predecessors in following Christ to love God and our neighbour, and to serve God by way of serving the nation and its people in building the Kingdom of God on earth as it is in Heaven.
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Bishop of Newcastle responds as MPs reject Assisted Dying Bill
Following the vote in the House of Commons against giving Second Reading to the Terminally Ill Adults (End of Life) Bill, the Bishop of Newcastle, Dr Helen-Ann Hartley, said: “I am relieved that the Assisted Dying Bill has been defeated.
“I recognise the deeply personal nature of this debate and acknowledge all those who will be affected by its outcome.
“I am pleased that MPs have taken seriously the detailed scrutiny applied to the Bill in the House of Lords, work in which I was privileged to participate as a member of the Select Committee.
“I hope that the decision now affords us space for reflection, but also for action: a clear and sustained commitment to improving palliative and end-of-life care, alongside the social care on which so many people and families depend.
“These are urgent matters, and they must now receive the attention and investment they deserve.”
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Nearly 2,000 affordable homes could be built on church sites
Nearly 2,000 affordable new homes on land earmarked from church sites could be created with support from the Church of England, it has been revealed, in work under way five years on from a landmark Church report on the housing crisis.
The Archbishops’ Council Housing Project was set up in 2024 with an aim of helping churches in the first stages of exploring the potential of sites to create housing – such as pockets of surplus land or land freed up through redevelopment of a church hall or other building.
The Project team, with an architect, a community housing specialist, a town planner and a Church buildings officer, has provided advice and support to around 85 parishes so far.
Most of its budget is distributed through a grants programme, with more than £1.2 million awarded to 54 projects in the first year of operation, paying for expert advice and early-stage feasibility and viability work, up to the ‘pre-app’ stage – the point at which a project will seek advice from a planning authority ahead of submitting a formal application.
The Church Development Agency functions as the Church’s specialist property development and delivery arm, supplying the technical expertise that most dioceses and parishes lack. Currently there are 42 church sites in 10 dioceses, receiving support from the Agency, 15 of which were given initial grants by the Housing Project.
If given the green light, the projects currently with the Agency could create more than 1,000 new affordable homes. This figure almost doubles to 1,952 when taking into account proposals being given support by other Church housing organisations and dioceses, including the Housing Project and the Church Housing Association.
The work currently under way is helping to implement the recommendations of Coming Home, the 2021 report of the Archbishops’ Commission on Housing, Church and Community on tackling the housing crisis.
The Church of England’s lead bishop for housing, Bishop Guli Francis-Dehqani said:
“Housing projects can have a catalytic effect on participating churches; not only do they provide much-needed homes, they also provide missional opportunities and strengthen the church’s reputation in the community. We are starting to realise the huge potential for housing projects to sustain and even grow our local churches.”
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Burnham wants to approve bishops.
The Prime Minister, Andy Burnham, wants to advise the King on the appointment of bishops and archbishops in the Church of England and Church of Scotland.
The practice of the King being involved dates way back to the Reformation, when the monarch was head of the Church, and so took responsibility for appointing clergy.
Burnham is currently barred because he is a professing Roman Catholic. But he has called the Roman Catholic Relief Act 1829 an “antiquated and archaic anomaly” and is determined to change it.
These days, of course, the Prime Minister’s approval of such appointments is symbolic. The Church puts its candidate forward, who will be approved. In the meantime, there are nine current or upcoming vacancies for diocesan bishops.
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Are vicars slowly disappearing?
There are certainly some worrying statistics out there. Such as:
There are 8,368 retired priests holding permission to officiate.
But there are only 6,682 clergy in paid (stipendiary) positions, and 2,440 in self-supporting, unpaid roles.
Nearly half of the current 6,682 paid priests are aged over 55. They all retire at 70.
But numbers of new entrants in training dropped from 591 in 2020 to 442 by 2025.
Where is this all headed? Worse case, by 2033, there could be only 5,400 full-time priests. That is 40 per cent of what the number was in 2000.
These sobering predictions come in a recent report by the campaign group Save the Parish. It argues that the decline has left the C of E at real risk of no longer being “a Christian presence in every community.”
So, Save the Parish is calling on the C of E to “commit to a model that will support a young person in stipendiary ministry for their lifetime.” It does not want a reduction in full-time paid clerical positions to save money, and it wants to lift the retirement age of 70.
Also, the report says that the Church should measure ministers’ success on the “numbers of lives touched, funeral by funeral, cup of tea by cup of tea”.
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EDNA REEVE RIP
On 4th October we lost one of our long serving faithful members of St Mary’s Church, at the age of 96.
Edna and her late husband, Alan, were regular attenders at our Sunday Eucharist services.
Edna was active in church up until a short while ago, helping with the Cake Stalls at our monthly Coffee Mornings.
She was a wonderful baker, and. she baked a lovely Simnel cake every Easter for our Lent Lunches, as well as providing individual trifles to sell on the Cake Stall. They were very popular! She was also well known for her Savoury Sausage Plait, first to go at Faith Suppers!!!
A lovely lady, who will be greatly missed by all of her friends at St Mary’s.
Rest in Peace Edna….
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QUIZ LUNCH
On 24th October we held our second Quiz Pie and Peas Lunch…
This was hosted by Christine Marchant and her daughter Sarah, ably assisted by her granddaughter, Alice.
40 people took part and were given some quite unusual rounds to fathom out!
Not your usual general knowledge rounds either… Picture rounds, Guess the Hollywood movie, Which Witch is Which?? (that baffled some of the older people, but the table with 2 youngsters on scored very highly !!!
A very well stocked Raffle saw most tables of 6 win at least one prize… although one table seemed to have been blessed with the luck of the Irish!!!
All in all, it was a very enjoyable way to spend a couple of hours in good company, It was all good fun, and the pies and peas were delicious!
Thanks to Christine and her family for their hard work in compiling the quiz, and to everyone who helped out in any way, setting up, serving lunch, clearing away afterwards … it was very much appreciated, and after paying for the pies and peas, a profit of £222 was made for church funds.
Look out for the next date and give it a go!
November 2026 Diary Page
Bible Study (via Zoom) Every Wednesday at 7pm during term time
Prayer meeting first Monday in the Month 7pm in church.
Sunday 1st
All Saints
9am Holy Communion
10am Parish Communion
3pm Commemoration of the Faithful Departed
6.30pm Evening Prayer
Tuesday 3rd
10am Holy Communion
Saturday 7th
9.30am Churchyard tidy/cleaning
Sunday 8th
REMEMBRANCE SUNDAY
9am Holy Communion
10.00am Parish Communion with Act of Remembrance
6.30pm Evening Prayer
Tuesday 10th
10am Holy Communion
Wednesday 11th
10am Coffee Morning
Sunday 15th
9am Holy Communion
10am Parish Communion
6.30pm Evening Prayer
Tuesday 17th
10am Holy Communion
Sunday 22nd
9am Holy Communion
10am Parish Communion
6.30pm Evening Prayer
TUESDAY 24th
10am Holy Communion
SUNDAY 29th
ADVENT SUNDAY
Fifth Sunday ONE SERVICE ONLY AT 10AM
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SERVICE OF COMMEMORATION OF THE FAITHFUL DEPARTED
On Sunday 1st November at 3.00pm there will be a service with prayers, hymns and readings in remembrance of loved ones who have died.
The names of loved ones will be read and candles lit in their memory.
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REMEMBRANCE SUNDAY 8th NOVEMBER
At the 10am service on Remembrance Sunday there will be an Act of Remembrance at the beginning of the Parish Eucharist.
This year we welcome members of Acklam Hall Old Boys, who, each year remember those who gave their lives during conflict.
Their names are read out, and a wreath of poppies placed after the Last Post and Reveille is sounded.
A moving tribute to the brave young men of Acklam Hall School.
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The Tides of War
I have written previously of an English weather forecaster who calculated a gap in the weather when the invasion of Europe could safely go ahead; he had to stand his ground as rival meteorologists came up with very different dates and options. Eventually General Eisenhower agreed with him, a decision that countless lives depended on and the invasion being a success. Only now, as I write in October, is his story being told in a new film “Pressure”.
I was fascinated to find out recently of another unlikely person who played a vital part in the invasion of Europe Operation Overlord. The French northern coast line had been heavily defended with not only guns but underwater obstacles, half buried stakes, mines etc. designed to rip the bottom out of any landing craft. They had assumed any invasion would take place at high tide to try and sail over the top as the vertical tide range on that section of the French coast is over 20 feet.
The British planners however took the opposite view, having mapped the defenses, decided to go at low tide and early dawn and send in teams to clear a route through. As the low tide was different for each of the chosen beaches a massive and complex calculation was required.
This task fell to a very unlikely warrior, Arthur Thomas Doodson, a 53-year-old head of the Liverpool Tidal Institute at Bidston Observatory, the world’s leading authority on tides.
When I say unlikely, Doodson was a brilliant mathematician who wanted to teach, but at the age of 18 became profoundly deaf and struggled to find employment. He was a conscientious objector during the first world war, and was put to work on calculating the effect of wind on shells. He only agreed after being assured it was for defensive purpose against Zeppelins.
In 1919 he went to Liverpool on tide prediction, and he carried with him his self- invented hearing aid. In 1943 he was under orders from the Admiralty to produce hourly tide heights from April to July for a location never identified, only as position Z and he was never informed it was Normandy, although he later admitted he had soon figured it out.
Working with six female assistants he set about the very complex calculations and the use of two best described mechanical computers (gears, wires and pulleys) to make the very difficult calculations, which was to take months. A modern computer would make the same calculations almost instantly. After six months Doodson had the answer, only three dates were suitable June 5,6 or 7th.
To add to the problems, the Germans, who were aware of the tidal institute, made several attempts to bomb it. Even in a Nazi propaganda broadcast Lord Haw-haw said the institute will be no more!
Doodson was well aware one bomb would wipe out all his work, so split his staff and equipment between two separate buildings.
The women working for him also worked through night on fire watch with only tin helmets and buckets of water in case of incendiary bombs.
So convinced the invasion would only come on a high tide, Rommel had returned to Germany to celebrate his wife’s birthday
It is amazing to think the success of D Day and the liberation of Europe was down in no small part to a weather man and a mathematician.
Doodson lived on till 1968 virtually unknown, and was buried in a modest grave in Merseyside, with no mention of his contribution to the war on his headstone.
As we stand together to remember those who paid the ultimate cost, let us also remember those who work in the back ground and saved countless lives
WE WILL REMEMBER THEM
Barry Lomas
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The Revd Paul Hardingham considers the grief and loss of war…
Lest We Forget
‘In Flanders’ fields the poppies blow between the crosses, row on row, that mark our place: and in the sky the larks, still bravely singing, fly scarce heard amid the guns below.’
This is the first verse of John McCrae’s poem, first published in Punch magazine in 1915. It soon came to symbolise the sacrifice of all who died in World War One. Today, the poppy remains an important symbol of all those who have sacrificed their lives in conflicts over the years. But why do we remember them?
‘They will beat their swords into ploughshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nation will not take up sword against nation, nor will they train for war anymore.’ (Micah 4:3). Writing 700 years before Christ, Micah spoke at the time when Samaria was captured due to the invasion of Assyria. However, he prophesied a future of hope, a world where nations would come together in peace rather than war. His words are fulfilled in the kingdom of God established by Jesus.
Our understanding of peace is more than simply the absence of conflict. It is about building relationships between people, communities and nations, founded on love and justice for all. As we remember those who have died in war, we should look practically at how we can build such relationships, beginning with our own families, colleagues and neighbours. ‘We will walk in the name of the Lord our God for ever and ever.’ (Micah 4:5). Let us ask God’s Spirit to make us people of peace, justice and compassion for today’s world.
‘They shall grow not old as we that are left grow old: Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. At the going down of the sun and in the morning we will remember them.’
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St Peter’s 400th anniversary
Four hundred years ago, on 18th November 1626, St Peter’s Basilica in the Vatican City was completed. It is the largest church in the world (measured by its interior).
Planned at first by Pope Nicholas V in the 15th century, its construction started on 18th April 1506, under Pope Julius II. The idea was to replace a 4th century church – Old St Peter’s Basilica – built by the Emperor Constantine, supposedly on the site of Peter’s martyrdom and burial. The new building took 120 years to finish.
Its dome, designed by Michelangelo, rises to a height of almost 450 feet from the floor of the Basilica to the top of its external cross and is the tallest dome in the world.
The original design of the Italian Renaissance church was created by Donato Bramante, with additional features by Carlo Maderno and Gian Lorenzo Bernini.
Despite its size and prominence, St Peter’s Basilica is not the Pope’s official seat and does not rank first of the major basilicas of Rome. That honour goes to the Pope’s Cathedral, the Archbasilica of St John Lateran, which is also seen as the mother church of all churches in communion with the Catholic Church, despite being located outside Vatican City.
Nevertheless, St Peter’s functions for most purposes as the Pope’s principal church, because nearly all Papal liturgies and ceremonies take place there: this is because of its location within Vatican City, its size, and the convenience of being close to the Papal residence. The liturgies at which the Pope presides draw congregations of up to 80,000 people.
It also contains the ancient “Chair of Saint Peter”, a gift to Pope John VIII from Holy Roman Emperor Charles the Bald in 875 which, despite its dubious pedigree, is used to symbolise the line of apostolic succession.
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By the Revd Peter Crumpler, a Church of England priest in St Albans, Herts, and a former communications director for the C of E.

Could a cemetery – or churchyard – surprise you?
A while back, I found a strange connection between the cemetery, opposite the church where I minister, and my hometown. I discovered that a former head curator of the world-renowned Kew Gardens in west London was buried in the cemetery – and that one of his lasting achievements was to plant a line of trees along the gardens’ Thames embankment.
Why? To hide unsightly views of industrial Brentford – where I was brought up – from visitors to the gardens.
Back then, Brentford was the site of one of London’s largest gas production plants and its pungent smell drifted across the area. I was christened in a church that nestled among the gasworks.
Today, Brentford is a thriving west London suburb that even boasts a Premier League football team.
Cemeteries and churchyards can be places of encounter and surprise. Places too that speak of history, of community, of nature and of the spiritual.
My local municipal cemetery has graves dating from the 1880s, including more than 200 war graves and a memorial, built after the First World War. Walking among the numerous graves, you can see reminders of people who lived lives very different to our own.
Well-known people buried there include Samuel Ryder, who founded golf’s Ryder Cup, and was a prominent local churchman.
The cemetery, like all cemeteries, also speaks of the breadth of the local community, with people of different nationalities and faiths buried within its grounds.
Humour sometimes features on the inscriptions. One of my favourite gravestones reads, “I can only please one person a day – today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either!”
The cemetery is a green oasis in a busy urban suburb. Take just a few steps away from the busy road, and you are in a nature reserve, with many birds, trees and plants, plus squirrels and other animals.
And, of course, the cemetery is a spiritual place, where many people go to remember their loved ones, perhaps to pray and reflect. Early morning in the cemetery is always a special time for me, where I can feel close to God.
If you are looking for somewhere to experience history, community, nature and the spiritual, then consider paying a visit to a cemetery or churchyard near you. It may just surprise you.
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November 2026 Crossword
CLUES
Across
1 and 20 Down ‘Lord of all _, Lord of all _, whose trust, ever child-like, no cares could destroy’(11,3)
9 ‘Why are you _ your fellow Hebrew?” (Exodus 2) (7)
10 Acclaimed cellist who contracted multiple sclerosis at the height of her fame, Jacqueline _ (2,3)
11 ‘At even _ the sun was set’(3)
13 A descendant of Gad (Numbers 26) (4)
16 ‘But _ for the gift my Father promised’ (Acts 1) (4)
17 Clambers (Jeremiah 48) (6)
18 ‘We must _God rather than men!’(Acts 5) (4)
20 Christian paraplegic author, artist and campaigner, _ Eareckson Tada (4)
21 Bird partial to the nests of other birds (6)
22 ‘Such large crowds gathered round him that he got into a boat and sat _ _ ‘(Matthew 13) (2,2)
23 Infectious tropical disease (4)
25 Tree (3)
28 ‘No fear of me should _ you, nor should my hand be heavy upon you’(Job 33) (5)
29 For example, to Titus, Timothy or Philemon (7)
30 Week beginning with Pentecost Sunday, according to the Church’s calendar (11)
Down
2 ‘O Jerusalem _ how _I have longed to gather your children together’ (Matthew 23) (5)
3 Way out (4)
4 Exhort (Romans 12) (4)
5 Done (anag.) (4)
6 Highest of the four voice-parts in a choir (7)
7 Concerning the study of God (11)
8 Uniquely, it has Abbey, Cathedral and Chapel (11)
12 Admonish (Matthew 16) (6)
14 Frozen (3)
15 Established form of religious ceremony (6)
19 Inscription often found on gravestones (7)
20 See 1 Across
24 Behaved (Joshua 7) (5)
25 Time (anag.) (4)
26 Lists choice of meals (4)
27 ‘But the _ of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord’( Romans 6) (4)
Answers to October Crossword
ACROSS
1 dare; 3 cherubim; 9 son Tohu; 10 yield; 11 ranch; 12 enlist; 14 Baalah of Judah; 17 Edward; 19 Sheol; 22 media; 23 open air; 24 apostasy; 25 Eton
DOWN
1 describe; 2 run in; 4 household gods; 5 royal; 6 blessed; 7 MIDI; 8 Joshua; 13 children; 15 added to; 16 Jasper; 18 await; 20 exalt; 21 YMCA
Winner Peter Warren
Crosswords reproduced by kind permission of BRF and John Capon, originally published in Three Down, Nine Across, by John Capon (£6.99 BRF)
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November 2026 Anagrams
BOOKS OF THE NEW TESTAMENT
Rearrange these letters to form the names of ten books from the New Testament. Nine of these are epistles and consist of one word only; the remaining title consists of four words.
1. OO SIN CLASS 2. PEAS SHINE 3. HELP MINO 4. SING TA LAA 5. CASTLE HOPES TO FAST
6. BESHREW 7. PAILL IN SHIP 8. MITY HOT 9. A CHIN IS TORN 10. HESTONS A SNAIL
Compiled by Peter Warren
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October Answers
LONDON DEPARTMENT STORES
1. MARKS AND SPENCER 2. SELFRIDGES 3. HARVEY NICHOLS 4. FORTNUM AND MASON 5. JOHN LEWIS
6. HARRODS 7. HOUSE OF FRASER 8. DEBENHAMS 9. LIBERTY LONDON 10. HABITAT
Winner: Wyn Hirst
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November 2026 Soduko Puzzle

October Sodoku Solution

Winners Jack Thompson
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The Revd Dr Jo White continues her series on aspects of Christianity.
Reflected Faith Series: Bread and Wine
Last time we reflected on the time of bringing forward our ‘collection’ money. In many churches at the same time the wine and bread are also brought forward by members of the congregation for use during the Eucharist celebration.
This bringing of the bread and wine during the Offertory Procession isn’t just a practical matter as these are required, but is a symbolic act representing the people deliberately coming forward to the ‘holiest’ of places and offering their daily work and lives to God.
In the earliest days of the church, actual food and wine was brought from the peoples’ homes for the service and to distribute to the poor afterwards.
In orthodox churches there are often two types of ‘bread.’ One that is consecrated and given to communicants and another kept within the main body of the church, alongside plastic bags, for folk to take a piece home to share with their family and friends; which mimics this earlier action.
In the Church of England, and in many other denominations, when the bread and wine have been consecrated, they are considered to be set aside explicitly for the purpose of human consumption and therefore all must be consumed, either during or immediately after the service. This is normally done by the priest but can happen by any communicant member that the priest has asked.
Because of this it’s important that the priest knows how many communicants there are likely to be. Too much wine consecrated can have a detrimental effect if one has to drive to another church!
For myself, churches have communicated this to me in various ways: in a suburban church we had a board up high at the back of the nave with large numbers placed there by a Churchwarden who had counted folk as they entered. In a large village church the number was whispered to me by a person bringing up the elements, whilst nowadays in small local village churches you will often see me stop and count!
This month: Next time you attend a communion service have a look at how numbers are communicated and who brings forward the elements. What does the priest do when s/he receives them?
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David Pickup, a solicitor, considers the problem of rubbish.
What a flaming nuisance!
‘…His winnowing fork is in his hand, and he will clear his threshing-floor…’ Matthew 3:12
Autumn is time to tidy up the garden, whether it is collecting leaves, or cutting down trees and shrubs. So what do you do with the rubbish? Suppose you light a fire and you then get an angry neighbour coming around complaining about the smoke? You point out that the nearby farm and the village shop both burn rubbish. They are not impressed.
It is illegal to burn trade waste. This includes agricultural rubbish and commercial waste. If you work at home, you cannot put any business related rubbish on the bonfire. If you are burning domestic waste, there are still laws which apply.
In some areas there are local laws called byelaws, about when you can and cannot light a fire. If the bonfires become a problem, then it could involve the civil law when an individual uses a County Court to apply for compensation or an order to stop something or even the criminal law when an individual asks the State to punish someone.
A Private nuisance is concerned with protecting the rights of an occupier in respect of unreasonable interference with the enjoyment or use of his land. Public nuisance is a crime where a defendant’s actions “materially affects the reasonable comfort and convenience of life” of a group of people. Nuisance can include other things as well as smoke, such as flood water, or noise.
As always this is a summary of the law, and if you have a problem, you should take proper professional advice. Many local councils have a neighbour mediation scheme and advice on taking action including ways of disposing of rubbish. If you have an issue with a neighbour, always try to be polite and not make the situation worse.
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By the Revd Roy Shaw, a retired but active priest in the diocese of York, where he is a spiritual director.
All Saints
At the beginning of this month, we celebrate ‘All Saints’ (1st November), when we remember all those heroes of the faith who have in one way or another been a witness to Christ in what they said and what they did. But sometimes the saints of old- those portrayed in Renaissance pictures or in craggy, oversized sculptures- can matter less to us than the saints we have personally known.
For instance, one minister tells of a good friend of his, Stan, a farmer on the Yorkshire Wolds, who died earlier this year. Stan was the sort of man you’d meet at the mart, or stop to have a chat with in the village. He always had time for you. You’d go away thinking ‘salt of the earth’, and you would be right.
But Stan was much deeper than that. He was a devout Christian, with a simple but profound faith, used by God in many situations that never made the public eye. His farm had a Site of Special Scientific Interest in that it captured many of the unique features of the Wolds. He was a knowledgeable plantsman, although you would have to drag it out of him. In his day he had taken Bibles to Soviet-era Ukraine and Romania, and received the thanks of Christians there who were so encouraged that they were not alone, that someone cared, made the effort to bring them the Word of God.
So Stan, although a quiet family man living on a fairly remote farm, had had a profound influence for God and for good in many people’s lives, both in the area – and in Ukraine and Romania.
And there have been multitudes like him. This month, are there folk in your life who have been an influence on you for God and for good? What difference did they make to you?
All Saints-tide is the ideal opportunity to give thanks for them. They are life’s unsung heroes, who help others steer a path closer to God by their wise words, or their support, their prayers. The impact of a good life on others can be enormous. For all of them, let’s thank God.
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Canon Paul Hardingham continues his series on the books of the Bible.
What’s the Big Idea? – an Introduction to 1 Timothy
This month we look again at the books of the New Testament. Paul wrote to Timothy, ‘my true son in the faith’ (2), as leader of the church in Ephesus. Timothy had a Greek father and Jewish Christian mother (Acts 16:1). Paul led him to faith during his first visit to Lystra and on his second visit invited Timothy to join him on his travels. He circumcised Timothy so that his Greek ancestry would not be a liability to working with the Jews (Acts 16:3). Although somewhat timid and often unwell, Timothy was a faithful servant of the Lord and Paul.
Paul writes his letter to challenge false teaching and to give instruction on aspects of church life, including worship, the appointment of leaders, and their attitude to money.
Paul gave Timothy authorisation to challenge the false teachers in the church. They taught a strong emphasis on Jewish myths and genealogies and were legalistic about Jewish laws. They also taught that the resurrection had already come and Christians no longer needed to look to Christ’s coming, judgment, and resurrection of the dead. They were so immersed in speculative controversies that they neglected the very core of the Christian faith. Not an unfamiliar situation today!
Therefore, like Timothy, we are called to enable the church to bring glory to God: ‘But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.’(6:11,12)
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Let’s “unite around the gospel and reach five million people this Christmas”
An evangelistic Christmas initiative, Shine Your Light (SYL), aims to mobilise thousands of UK churches this Christmas.
The aim is to take carol and other Christmas services out onto the streets, marketplace, and shopping centres. Last year there were 1,832 SYL events, involving 308,730 Christians.
This year, organisers want to mobilise 500,000 Christians across 5,000 churches in a united Christmas mission. Their aim is to reach five million people.
Shine Your Light’s focus weekend is 11th to 13th December, but partner churches will begin to organise events from Advent.
Launching this year’s initiative, Shine Your Light founder and CEO, Pastor Jonathan Oloyede, said: “We carry a message of reconciliation that our nation desperately needs. Let’s unite around the gospel and reach five million people this Christmas, especially those on the margins who are too often overlooked.”
More details at:
shineyourlight.org.uk/registration
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What are you built on?
“Lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes. For you will spread out to the right and to the left…” Isaiah 54: 2, 3
How strong and flexible are you, as a person? Did you know that the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco can move up to 20 feet in either direction as its centre? It’s built to sway – to absorb and accommodate vast daily stresses and heat. But it always comes back to its true centre, because it is built on a vast system of steel and concrete that sinks down, down into a solid rock foundation far below in the Pacific.
Each of us needs to be anchored like that – onto a sure foundation. Without it, we will be at the mercy of the storms and strong tides of life. Burdens and flying debris from other people’s lives will knock us off balance.
That foundation for us is Jesus. How is your relationship with Him? Is it solid? Is it deep enough to hold you steady on your course as 2026 draws to a close? Jesus urges us to ‘abide’ in Him. It takes time to get to know Him. The Bible is His message to us; prayer is our message back to Him, and more: for if we draw close to Him, He promises to draw close to us, too.
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Samuel Seabury, first Anglican Bishop in North America
As this year the USA marks 250 years since independence, it is worth remembering the poor bishop who got entangled between the King of England, the Anglican church, and the young America.
Samuel Seabury never set out to make international headlines. Born in Connecticut in 1729, he had studied theology at Yale and then medicine at Edinburgh. In 1753 he was ordained by the Bishop of Lincoln and then felt called to return to North America as a missionary with the Society for the Propagation of the Gospel. He began his ministry in New Brunswick, Canada, before moving on to several parishes in New York.
But Seabury’s peaceful ministry was soon swept up into politics. For tensions were growing between the American colonies and the mother country, and the slide to war was underway.
Seabury never wanted the war. He never wanted independence for America. He wanted to remain loyal to the Crown, and he even went to prison for his opposition to the Declaration of Independence.
Even after the war ended, Seabury ran into difficulties. For in 1783 the Protestant Episcopal Church of America decided to elect him as Bishop of Connecticut and Rhode Island. But how was he to be consecrated? Canon law said that the Anglican church could not consecrate anyone without them taking an Oath of Allegiance to the king. But Seabury was now an American, so he could no longer take that vow.
In the end, he was sent off to Scotland in 1784, to be consecrated a bishop by the Bishop of Aberdeen, who belonged to the Scottish Episcopal Church. It had been disestablished after the Glorious Revolution of 1688, and had no link with the State, and so its bishops were free agents.
Although some good links between the Scottish and the American Episcopal churches came out of Seabury’s consecration, his experience as an American becoming a bishop via the Scottish church was to be unique.
For by the time the next bishop was due to be consecrated, an Act of Parliament in 1786 had empowered the two archbishops to consecrate bishops for territories outside British jurisdiction. It was a sign of things to come: the Anglican Church being a wider and more diverse worldwide Communion.
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Growing number of churches moving away from oil and gas
amid rising energy prices
An increasing number of Church of England parishes, some of them in the most rural areas of the country, are moving away from oil and gas and improving their energy efficiency as they brace for rising energy bills this winter.
A match funding pilot scheme from the Church of England’s Net Zero Carbon Programme for churches to pay for work such as under pew heating, LED lighting, insulation, electrical upgrades and small solar panel and battery storage schemes has been expanded after it exceeded its targets.
Give to Go Green will be expanded to all 42 of the Church of England’s dioceses after £938,000 – exceeding targets – was raised by 127 churches to help pay for work to cut their carbon emissions and increase energy efficiency. The total was boosted by an additional £830,000 of match funding from the Church of England’s Net Zero Carbon programme.
Julian Atkins, the Church of England’s Net Zero Carbon Programme Director, said: “Across the country, parishes are taking action in ways that make sense for their own buildings and communities – raising money locally, making buildings more energy efficient and finding other practical solutions to reduce carbon emissions.
“We are deeply grateful to all our many committed volunteers who make this possible. Our role through the national Net Zero Carbon Programme is to create the conditions and provide the funding and expertise to help them do that.
“For many churches, this is about much more than reducing carbon. It is about creating warmer, more welcoming buildings that can serve their communities well, while using resources wisely and, where possible, reducing energy costs so that more can be invested in mission and ministry.”
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For those at St Mary’s who enjoy a glass of wine….. no names given!!
Organise a wine tasting this autumn
Basic tips to get started
Don’t try too many wines – stick to four reds and four whites, or eight of one colour.
Chill your whites well and let your reds breathe.
Have plenty of plain dry biscuits on hand. This will soak up alcohol and cleanse palates.
Get your tasting order right: whites before reds, cheap before expensive, light before heavy, un-oaked before oaked, dry before sweet, and fortified at the very end.
What you will need:
- Pens and paper for people to make notes
- Foil or paper to wrap up the bottles.
- Numbered cards to place in front of the bottles – to identify them.
- A long table with a white tablecloth.
- Spittoons! A few shallow boxes filled with sawdust work well. Jugs are okay, but make sure they are solid, and not clear. No one wants to see the wine other people spit out!
- Several jugs of plain still water, and water glasses.
- Wine glasses.
- Bottles of wine! Reckon on 16 decent-sized tasting samples per bottle.
- Old World against New World wines: say an Australian shiraz to a Rhone syrah.
- Grape to grape: offer two classic varieties, such as cabernet sauvignon against merlot
- Blind tasting: depending on your guests’ experience, have them attempt to guess the grape, region, producer, vintage and/or price.
- Price test: present your bottles blind, along with the price list. You’ll be surprised!
- Horizontal tasting: not because you’ve drunk too much already – this means tasting of different wines from the same year.
- Vertical tasting: this is a tasting of the same wine from different vintages.
Remember – wine appreciation is a personal thing: your opinion is as good as anyone else’s!
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Keep an eye out for tsunamis
There seems to be an ‘awareness’ day for most things, and this month brings World Tsunami Awareness Day, on Thursday 5th November.
True, most of us on that day will be thinking of Guy Fawkes, fireworks and bonfires, but there are scientists out there who will use the day to raise our awareness of the dangers of tsunamis, even in Europe. They want better early warning systems.
For amazingly, UNESCO is warning that there’s “close to a 100% chance” of a Mediterranean tsunami of some sort, happening before 2052. Modern computer modelling indicates that a very destructive wave could strike the French Riviera, with surprisingly little warning.
The region has the ingredients needed. There are active faultlines in the Ligurian Sea, near the French and Italian coats. And any movement further south, of the African and Eurasian plates, could also trigger potentially powerful earthquakes off North Africa.
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Those giant autumn house spiders
We’ve all been there – quietly relaxing at home, when suddenly a HUGE thing with LONG legs scuttles right by you. You can’t help but jump, and if you are normal, scream.
What just scared you was a fully grown adult male Eratigena atrica. They are among the largest spiders in Central and Northern Europe.
It has not just come in from the cold. It has been living warm and cosy, hidden in your house for weeks. Now it has left its dark hiding spot to race across your carpets and walls and bed with a definite purpose in mind: it is looking for love.
For autumn is mating time for the big spiders, and there are also females living in your house, safe and secure in cracks, lofts and behind furniture.
If you think giant house spiders are big, you are right. With a body length of 1.6cm, their leg span can commonly reach up to 7.5 cm. And heaven help you if you find you are sharing your house with a cardinal spider (Tegenaria parietina) – their bodies are up to 2cm long, and their long hairy legs can span up to 12cm. If that thing runs down the couch towards you, you’ll notice it! And giant house spiders are fast. They can hit speeds of up to half a metre per second.
The good news is that giant house spiders are as scared of you as you are of them. They are disease-free, and their bite is extremely rare and harmless. They even pay their rent by eating your flies, mosquitoes, and other small bugs.
So, try and be kind to them, and let them live with you – they don’t like the cold outside very much. Just lift your feet as they gallop across the carpet…
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National Tree Week – 21st to 29th November
It really is time to appreciate our trees. Did you know:
That the UK has 123,000 ancient and veteran trees, and more ancient oak trees than the rest of Europe combined?
Or that trees help us feel better? Studies have found that exposure to forests generally reduces our mental and physical stress, anxiety, and depression.
Or that 95% of land carbon in the UK is stored in soil, and trees help put it there? When wood and leaves fall, their carbon gets stored in the soil.
Or that hedgerows alongside our roads can reduce air pollution exposure by up to 63%?
No wonder that each year the Tree Council and its partners bring together the conservation sector, volunteers and tree-lovers to mark the start of the annual tree planting season. Together, they plant thousands of trees and hedgerows, to celebrate these “magnificent mainstays” of our landscape.
And we need more trees. Sadly, only 13% of the UK’s total land area is covered in trees. That’s compared to an average of 46% in Europe. In England, the figure is just 10%.
On the plus side, there are more than 80 community tree nurseries in the UK, growing an estimated 250,000 trees a year, often from locally collected seed, and which are given away or sold at minimal cost.
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Why you should not squeeze your teabag
More than eight million of us drink at least two cups of tea a day. Many of us drink five cups or more. As a nation, we love tea.
George Orwell loved tea. Back in 1946 he even wrote an essay, ‘A Nice Cup of Tea’ to set out his 11 rules for making the perfect brew. But nowadays, we turn to chemistry professors on the Tea Advisory Panel for their tea-making tips.
Why chemistry professors? Because there are almost 2,000 chemicals in tea, which is a “wildly rich molecular mix”. And everything you do to your tea changes its chemical makeup.
So – some tips:
First of all, use boiling water on the tea leaves.
Secondly, warm your mug or teapot. That ensures the water is HOT when it hits your tea leaves.
Thirdly, swirl the bag or pot – swirling releases more of those subtle flavours.
Fourthly, let it mash, steep or brew for three to five minutes, to get the best flavour.
Fifthly, never squeeze your teabag! That releases bitter tannic acids.
Sixth – add the milk last, or the water won’t be hot enough to brew your tea. Apparently, adding milk first is a historical relic from when boiling tea could break fragile china cups.
Seventh – take a moment to enjoy your tea. Chemists stress that medium to strong tea is really good for you. It increases your hydration, your cognitive function, and your bone health. It even helps cut the risk of type-2 diabetes and heart disease.
Finally, beware tea in America. They do odd things with it there. They use lukewarm water over indifferent tea bags. Even worse, they sometimes put a teabag in a mug of cold water and then boil it in a microwave. This is sacrilege!
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The cost of a Bonfire Night party
Burning your money is one way to describe a fireworks party. But they can also be a fun way of socialising. Here are some of the recent trends:
In the UK, we spend an average of £100 to £300 on fireworks alone, if we hold a private garden party. If we increase that to a fully hosted or catered events, expect to spend from. £500 to £700.
For your standard DIY back-garden display (Category F2 fireworks, requiring an 8-metre safety distance) can cost anywhere from £50 to £250, depending on the variety of single-ignition ‘cakes’ (barrages), rockets and what you do about the final finale.
According to confused.com, we spend on average more than a £100 on hot dogs, jacket potatoes and burgers. Then it is about £67 on decorations and lights, £64 on party bags and novelties, and maybe £64 for a cake.
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by Tim Lenton
Remembering Leonard Cohen – poet and singer
Ten years ago, on 7th November 2016, Leonard Cohen, Canadian folk/soft rock singer, songwriter and poet died.
He was born into a well-off Jewish family in Montreal that was said to claim direct descent from Aaron – the name Cohen meaning priest. Bob Dylan once observed that Cohen wrote songs that were really prayers.
Before he was a singer Cohen was a poet and a novelist. Two collections – Let Us Compare Mythologies in 1956 and Spice-Box of Earth in 1961– brought him acclaim as a poet, and this was enhanced by two novels, The Favourite Gameand Beautiful Losers, in the early 1960s.
He had already moved to the Greek island of Hydra in 1960, where he met the Norwegian Marianne Ihlen, who became his muse. Later he was the long-time companion – though not husband – of Suzanne Elrod, who he met in a lift in Manhattan in 1968. They had two children: Adam, also a singer-songwriter, and Lorca, a photographer.
Somewhat confusingly, Cohen’s early song Suzanne, on his 1967 debut album, The Songs of Leonard Cohen, referred to a different woman, the wife of a friend.
Though some people mysteriously described his distinctive baritone voice as “depressing”, many others found his performances and his songs magical, compelling and full of spiritual and physical depth. Songs like Hallelujah and You Want it Darker, with its use of the Hebrew word hineni (here I am), implying total availability to God, meant much to practising Jews and Christians.
Cohen spent seven years in a Buddhist monastery in the 1990s, and afterwards lost much of his life savings through financial betrayal by his former manager. Following that, at the age of 71 he embarked on a global tour that was a massive success. He was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2008, and two years later was honoured with a lifetime achievement Grammy.
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The Rectory
St James the Least of All
My dear Nephew Darren
It is quite natural for you curates to enjoy working with young people in your parishes; church youth clubs were created in order to keep the newly ordained off the streets in the evenings. But be assured you will grow out of it. I consent to baptise babies and prepare teenagers for confirmation, but beyond that my contact with this alien life form is kept to an absolute minimum.
Dear Miss Thrush runs our weekly Pram Service – whose sole purpose seems to be to give young mothers an opportunity to discuss the ever-changing liaisons within the village, while their offspring shred hymn books and destroy the flower arrangements. I drop in from time to time in order to check that the more mobile haven’t found where we hide the matches. An infant equipped with that knowledge can so easily become a teenage pyromaniac.
I can give you little advice on your youth group. When I was a curate, the major activity seemed to be to teach them how to wear gas masks, although today I imagine there is more concern about protecting them from other sorts of exotic chemicals. Also, I suspect you are kept busy keeping the young out of the darker corners of the churchyard as they develop their anatomical knowledge – a past-time still enthusiastically pursued by each new generation.
You clearly find your monthly Youth Service a deeply enriching experience. As far as I am concerned, if such a liturgy had been necessary, then Cranmer would have provided us with one. Endlessly repeated choruses accompanied by a guitar would make me warm to the Quakers. I am sure St Paul’s services would have been much enriched with Hymns Ancient and Modern. The disciples in hiding in Jerusalem were not even able to sing accompanied by an organ, which must have greatly dispirited them. I also feel that our Verger would be unable to cope with organising the strobe lighting and dry ice effects. It takes him all his time to remember to light the candles on the altar.
On this matter we must differ. You must worship God in your way, and I in His.
Your loving uncle,
Eustace
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BOOK REVIEW
An Advent Book of Days – Meeting the characters of Christmas
By Gregory Camerson, Canterbury Press, £12.99
This book tells the stories of all the characters and creatures that make up the Christmas story, with daily prayers and reflections based on their experiences. Fully illustrated in colour, it combines the Bible, history, art and legend to explore the story of the incarnation.
Each day of Advent brings a character caught up in the drama of the nativity, from the archangel Gabriel to the ox and ass in the stable. Learn what their portrayal in scripture reveals about them, how they have been understood in history, what folk legends have accrued around them, and what their stories offer for faith and devotion today.
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All in the month of November.
It was:
400 years ago, on 18th November 1626 that St Peter’s Basilica in the Vatican City was completed. It is the largest church in the world (measured by its interior).
175 years ago, on 13th November 1851 that the first telegraph service between London and Paris began operating.
150 years ago, on 1st November 1876 that the North Sea Canal in the Netherlands was officially opened. It links Amsterdam to the North Sea.
125 years ago, on 12th November 1901 that German physicist Wilhelm Roentgen was awarded the first Nobel Prize in Physics, for discovering X-rays.
100 years ago, on 15th November 1926 that the Balfour Declaration was approved by the delegates to the Imperial Conference of 1926. It declared that the UK and its Dominions in the British Empire were equal in status.
90 years ago, on 30th November 1936 that the Crystal Palace in London was destroyed by a fire.
75 years ago, on 2nd November 1951 that the Suez Crisis began. 6,000 British troops arrived in Fayid, Egypt, to quell unrest in the Canal Zone. It was the biggest airlift of troops since WW2.
70 years ago, on 11th November 1956 that the Hungarian Revolution ended after its uprising was brutally supressed by the Soviet Union.
60 years ago, on 22nd November 1966 that the first chess match between two computers took place, between the USA and Russia. The Soviet Union’s computer won.
40 years ago, on 22nd November 1986 that the American boxer Mike Tyson became the youngest-ever WBC world heavy-weight champion, at the age of 20.
30 years ago, on 18th November 1996 that the Channel Tunnel fire took place when a truck caught fire while on board a Heavy Goods Vehicle shuttle travelling through the tunnel. It caused considerable damage and the tunnel was closed for six months for repairs. There was another serious fire in September 2008.
Also 30 years ago, that on 30th November England officially returned the Stone of Scone to Scotland after 700 years. It was the coronation stone of the Scottish and later English and British monarchs. It is now on permanent display in Perth Museum.
25 years ago, from 22nd November to 9th December 2001 that the Fall of Kandahar took place when coalition forces ousted the Taliban from the last major city under their control. This marked the end of the Taliban regime’s control of Afghanistan. Then in August 2021, NATO withdrew and the Taliban moved back in.
20 years ago, on 23rd November 2006 that Alexander Litvinenko, Russian-born British intelligence agent, journalist and writer, died. He had been poisoned by radioactive polonium. His death is believed to have been ordered by President Putin.
15 years ago, on 12th November 2011 that the Prime Minister of Italy, Silvio Berlusconi, resigned over Italy’s debt crisis.
10 years ago, on 4th November 2016 that the Paris Agreement on Climate Change came into effect.
Also 10 years ago, on 7th November 2016 that Leonard Cohen, Canadian folk/soft rock singer, songwriter and poet died.
Also 10 years ago, on 8th November 2016 that Donald Trump was elected as 45th President of the USA.
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Smile Lines
Explaining those words used in church
BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending a service.
PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of service, consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.
USHERS: The only people in the parish who don’t understand the seating capacity of a pew.
PEW: A medieval torture device still found in many churches.
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync.
HYMN: A song of praise, often sung three octaves higher than the congregation’s range.
AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
HYMN, RECESSIONAL: The last song, often sung a little more quietly, since some of the people have already left.
**
Like God
My grandson was visiting one day when he said, “Grandma, I always think of how you and God are alike.”
Mentally polishing my halo, I asked, “How is that, then?”
“You’re both just SO old,” he replied.
**
Still waiting
A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to church. Alarmed by the old fellow’s absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the minister went to see him.
He found him in excellent health, so the minister asked, “How come after all these years we don’t see you at services anymore?”
The old man lowered his voice. “When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must’ve forgotten about me, and now I don’t want to remind Him!”
**
Story
It was Dad’s turn to read young Jamie a bedtime story. After 20 minutes, Mum called up the stairs, “Is he asleep?”
Young Jamie called softly back, “Yes, finally.”
**
Loan
Letter home from college: “Thank you so-o-o-o much for the student loans to get me through college. I don’t think I can ever repay you.”
**
Wake
Shortly after my father passed away, one of my daughter’s Jewish friends approached her with a question. ‘Kate,’ he said, ‘I’ve never attended a Catholic wake before. What is the significance of the daughter not wearing shoes?’
Kate replied softly, ‘My mum’s feet hurt.’
**
Died in the services
Little Alex was staring up at the large brass plaque that hung on the side wall of the church. The plaque was covered with names, and they seemed to fascinate the youngster. “All those names,” he said to the minister. “Who are they?”
“Well, they were people who used to go to this church,” explained the minister. “This is a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the services.”
Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Alex’s voice was barely audible when he asked, “Which service, the 9 o’clock, or the 11 o’clock?”
**
What bishops do
We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church, and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance. At one point, our minister had the children gather at the altar for a talk about the importance of the day. He began by asking, ‘Does anyone know what the bishop does?’
There was silence. Finally, one little boy ventured: “Isn’t he the one who moves diagonally?”
**
When children tell Bible stories (real-life efforts that didn’t quite make it…)
* St John, the blacksmith, dumped water on Jesus’ head.
* Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says: ‘Do one to others before they do one to you’.
* Jesus ruled that ‘a man doth not live by sweat alone.’
* It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off of the entrance.
* The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
* One of the opossums was St Matthew who was also a taximan.
**
As for those signs found outside churches:
* Church carpark sign…FOR MEMBERS ONLY. Trespassers will be baptised!!
* No God – No Peace. Know God – Know Peace.
* Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!
* Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!
* Outside one church is a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed. A headline reads: ‘For fast relief, take two tablets.’
* When the restaurant next to a church put out a big sign with red letters that said, ‘Open Sundays’, the church reciprocated with its own message: ‘We are open on Sundays, too. And we have live music.’
* A singing group called ‘The Resurrection’ was scheduled to sing at a church. When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the minister fixed the outside sign to read, ‘Resurrection is postponed – due to snow.’
* Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!
* Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm next Wednesday in the church lounge. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
* Thursday at 10am there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All those wishing to become Little Mothers are asked to go and see our new minister in the vicarage.
**
Can’t scare me
My wife and I were watching the gorillas at the zoo when several of them charged at the enclosure fence, yelling terribly, rolling their eyes around, and clenching their fists. They looked quite terrifying. The crowd scattered except for one frail, elderly lady, who did not bat an eye. Later, my wife asked how she had kept her composure. “Oh, easy,” she said cheerfully. “You see, I used to run the youth group at my local church.”
**
For all of you who live with teenagers, you may want to know that they really have a lot in common with cats:
Cats and teenagers
Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.
No matter how much you do for them, it is never enough.
Cats rarely deign to walk with you when outside, and the same is true of teenagers.
No cat or teenager shares your taste in music.
Cats and teenagers can suddenly get ‘hissy’, without any known cause.
Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing.
Cats have nine lives. Teenagers live as if they did.
Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating that ultimate human ecstasy – utter boredom.
Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone’s furniture.
Cats and teenagers are known to creep home at all hours of the night. Neither will tell you where they’ve been.
So, if you must raise teenagers, it is a good idea to follow instructions as for cats: Just put food out at regular intervals and do not make any sudden moves in their direction. When they make up their minds, they will finally come to you for some affection and comfort, and it will be a triumphant moment for all concerned.
**
Home alone?
The bishop needed to call one of his clergy about an urgent problem within the diocese. But when he rang the vicar’s number, he was greeted with a child’s whispered, “Hello?”
Feeling impatient, the bishop asked, “Is your Daddy home?”
“Yes,” whispered the small voice.
“May I talk with him?” the bishop asked. To his surprise, the small voice whispered, “No.”
“Well, is your Mummy there?” asked the bishop. The small voice said “Yes.”
“May I talk with her?” Again, the small voice whispered, “No.”
“Well, who else is in your house?” the bishop demanded.
“A policeman,” whispered the child. Startled, the bishop asked to speak with him.
“No, he’s busy,” whispered the child. “He’s talking to Daddy and Mommy and the search team.”
“What is going on there? Who are they searching for?” demanded the bishop, now thoroughly alarmed.
Still whispering, the young voice replied, along with a muffled giggle: “Me.”
**
Miscellaneous observations on life
About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age.
An apology is the best way to have the last word.
I’m good at firework displays. I’ve got a flare for it.
The only thing that wakes you up faster than coffee is spilled coffee.
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