Paul Hardingham continues his new series.
What’s the Big Idea? An Introduction to the Books of the Old Testament:
1 and 2 Samuel.
1 and 2 Samuel was originally a single work, which focuses on Samuel, Saul and David, around 1,000 BC, mid-way between Abraham and Jesus. It was Samuel who established the monarchy in Israel after the period of the judges. He was commanded by God to give the people a king, although their request is seen as a rejection of God’s rule over Israel (8:7).
The people simply wanted to be like other nations, however their king was still subject to God’s law and the word of the prophet. Although Samuel anointed Saul, he soon showed an unwillingness to submit to these requirements, leading to his rejection as king (15:23). God chose David as Saul’s successor, and 1 Samuel depicts David’s years of waiting until the right time arrived to claim the throne.
2 Samuel depicts David’s rule, in which the nation prospers and its enemies are defeated. The promise of the perfect king is fulfilled in Jesus Himself, as David’s descendant. The second half of the book depicts the darker side of David’s reign, describing his weaknesses and failures, including his adultery with Bathsheba and the rebellion of his son Absalom.
Nevertheless, David remained a man after God’s own heart: ‘The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.’ (1 Samuel 16:7). The characters in this book are not always great examples of faith, however, ‘They do not show us how we should live but how in fact we do live, authenticating the reality of our daily experience as the stuff that God uses to work his purposes of salvation in us and in the world.’ (Eugene Peterson).
__________________________________________________
Prospect of winter energy bills causing anxiety for millions, says Archbishop of York
Millions are looking ahead to this winter with ‘fear and anxiety’ about the cost of heating their homes, the Archbishop of York has said as he backed the recent launch of a campaign to provide a network of warm spaces for people who struggle to pay their energy bills.
Archbishop Stephen Cottrell is encouraging churches to consider getting involved in the Warm Welcome campaign, a network of venues from community centres to churches providing warm spaces over the winter for people struggling to heat their homes
.
Archbishop Stephen said: “Sadly, what began as a cost-of-living crisis has simply become the new normal for many.
“Millions of people will look ahead to this winter with fear and anxiety, wondering how they are going to cope with high living costs. That is why I am proud to endorse the Warm Welcome campaign this winter.
“But a warm welcome isn’t only about the temperature. It is about kindness and community, giving people the chance to be seen and known, to belong and to be part of something. It is about celebrating the God-given value and dignity of every single person, finding hope and community together. But of course, none of that will happen if people are cold.”
The Warm Welcome campaign is led by a coalition of over 50 charitable organisations who joined together in response to the cost of living crisis to provide emergency support to communities struggling to pay for rising food costs and to heat their homes.
_____________________________________________________________
Click to edit text. What do visitors to your website need to know about you and your business?
The mysterious ways of mistletoe
Mistletoe has long been used as part of our Christmas decorations. It is not your usual kind of plant.
Instead, it is hemiparasitic, meaning that although its leaves enable it to feed itself through photosynthesis, its roots invade the host tree or shrub to extract water and other nutrients
.
Mistletoe loves living in apple, lime, hawthorn, poplar or oak trees. You may spot it high up, as a large globe, on the bare trees in winter. There is one spectacular example in Windsor Great Park, clearly visible from the path on the opposite side of the Thames
.
Mistletoe’s berries are almost translucent, fleshy and sticky. They form in the forks of mistletoe’s many branches. While they are toxic to humans, they are attractive to birds, who wipe the remaining seeds off their beaks onto the nearest branch, which of course helps the plant to spread.
For some reason, Romans thought mistletoe represented Peace, Love and Understanding. Perhaps that is how it got into our Christmas celebrations? The earliest documentary evidence for kissing under mistletoe dates from the 16th century, but we don’t know who got kissed first.
_____________________________________________________________
Doctor Livingstone, I presume?
It was 150 years ago, on 10th November 1871, that Welsh journalist and explorer Henry Morton Stanley located the missing missionary Dr David Livingstone near Lake Tanganyika, in present-day Tanzania. He may or may not have greeted him with the words: “Doctor Livingstone, I presume?”
Stanley’s real name was John Rowlands. He was born in Denbigh to an unmarried 18-year-old who abandoned him. He ended up in a workhouse until he was 15, then went to America, where he changed his name and became an American citizen. When he found Livingstone, he was working for the New York Herald.
Known for his strength of will, Stanley also had an African name – Bula Matari – Breaker of Rocks. Much of his life was spent in Central Africa, and his reputation was mixed: he was said by some to be violent toward Africans, but by others to have treated them well. His feats as an explorer were impressive: he played a big part in locating the true source of both the Nile and the Congo, and he helped open up the Congo on behalf of King Leopold of Belgium.
Though not overtly religious, he felt he was engaged in a “sacred task”. He was re-naturalised a British subject in 1892, following his marriage.
_______________________________________________________________
All in the month of March
It was:
300 years ago, on 8th March 1723 that Sir Christopher Wren, English architect, died. Best known for designing St Paul’s Cathedral.
125 years ago, on 16th March 1898 that Aubrey Beardsley, British illustrator, died. His black ink drawings, influenced by Japanese woodcuts, contributed to the development of Art Nouveau.
100 years ago, on 4th March 1923 that Patrick Moore, the amateur astronomer, TV presenter, writer and musician was born. Best known for presenting the TV astronomy show The Sky at Night for over 50 years. (Died 2012)
80 years ago, on 13th March 1943 that the final liquidation of Krakow Ghetto in Poland took place. 8,000 Jews were transported to Plaszow labour camp, 2000 more were simply killed in the streets, and the rest were sent to Auschwitz.
70 years ago, on 19th March 1953 that the Academy Awards ceremony (the Oscars) were televised for the first time.
Also 70 years ago, on 26th March 1953 that Dr Jonas Salk announced that he had completed the first small-scale test of a polio vaccine. Larger tests began in February 1954, and mass vaccinations began in April 1955.
65 years ago, on 2nd March 1958 that the first land crossing of Antarctica was completed by the Commonwealth Trans-Antarctic Expedition, led by Vivian Fuchs. The team of 12 men travelled 2,158 miles from Shackleton Base to Scott Base (via the South Pole) in 99 days, using six vehicles.
60 years ago, on 22nd March 1963 that the British Secretary of State for War, John Profumo, made a statement in the House of Commons in which he denied there was any impropriety in his relationship with Christine Keeler, a model who was also in a sexual relationship with a drug dealer and a Soviet naval attaché. (In June he admitted he had lied, and resigned.)
50 years ago, on 8th March 1973 that the citizens of Northern Ireland voted in a referendum to remain within the United Kingdom. That same day the IRA carried out its first bombing in Britain since WWII, planting car bombs in London. One person died, 200 were injured.
40 years ago, on 6th March 1983 that Donald Maclean, British-born Soviet spy died. He was a member of the Cambridge Spy Ring.
Also 40 years ago, on 26th March 1983, that Anthony Blunt, British art historian and Soviet spy, died.
25 years ago, on 16th March 1998 that Rwanda began mass trials for the country’s 1994 genocide. There were 125,000 suspects for 500,000 murders.
20 years ago, on 1st March 2003 that Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the al-Qaeda terrorist who masterminded the 9/11 attacks on the USA, was captured in Pakistan.
Also 20 years ago, on 12th March 2003 that the World Health Organisation issued a global alert about a severe form of pneumonia (now known as Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome – SARS) that was affecting people in China, Hong Kong and Vietnam.
_________________________________________________________________
Isherwood Hall. (The original hall)
Tables and chairs are available.
Click to edit block quote. What quote or client recommendation really sums up your business? 
September 2026 Magazine
At last we have a couple of articles from within our congregation. If anyone else would like to submit an article(s) please pass on to Pauline or Bob.
Pauline & Bob - co-editors..
Updated 26th August 2026
_______________________________________________________
Stewardship reports highest income year on record
The charity Stewardship, which manages charitable donations from churches, charities, and individuals, has reported that last year was its highest income year on record.
Donations reached £160.9 million, according to its 2025 annual report. That included a one-off gift of £31.6 million. In all, Stewardship says that £134 million was paid out in one million grants to church partners, church workers, and other Christian charities.
Donors include about 4,000 churches and 6,000 charities, as well as thousands of individuals. Stewardship is the main giving partner for Spring Harvest.
Besides grants, Stewardship makes loans to churches and charities towards projects. The value of these loans was £30.5 million last year.
__________________________________________________________
“AI can act for the common good, but only if Governments remain sovereign”
The Bishop of Oxford has backed calls for the right of Governments to set policy and regulate big tech as he warned of the risks posed by rapid technological change.
Making his recent valedictory speech in the House of Lords, Bishop Steven Croft said there were ‘many gains’ from new technology but there were also risks to society in areas such as mental health, social cohesion, truth, and patterns of work and distribution of power.
Speaking of advances in Artificial Intelligence (AI), he said the risks posed were partly a product of its accelerating speed of development.
“The speed of change, and the significant power unleashed, make this revolution distinct from other technical developments in the past, because there is a risk that the speed of change will itself undermine the very benefits that change brings,” he said.
“There is simply no time for public trust and confidence to grow, and you have heard of the growing public awareness of risk and the desire that something be done.”
Bishop Steven said there was an urgent need for a ‘clear standard and statement of intent’ from the Government, asserting sovereignty for Governments over the implementation of new technologies, that was “ethically shaped and in the interests of our whole society”.
He added that there also needed to be moves towards drawing together the “combined and collective power of nation states” to act on this issue for the good of all.
“The most important part of a building is its foundation, the most vital part of a boat in a storm is the keel giving stability in the water,” he said.
“As the world navigates the transition to the age of AI, we will need more than ever before the values and ethics of our common tradition, rooted in centuries of Christian faith and practice. AI can be a tool for the common good, a source of great benefit, but only if Governments remain sovereign.”
Bishop Steven was making his final speech after nearly 13 years in the House of Lords.
____________________________________________________
AI Guidelines for Churches
Recently, a friend at church told me of her Sunday school session. It was for primary-aged children and focused on Elijah on Mount Carmel. The teaching material she had seemed uninspiring, so she turned instead to ChatGPT which she was already using at work:
“Write a song to the tune of ‘Twinkle twinkle’ based on this passage, that young children will enjoy singing and will make this story memorable,” she asked.
…. A few seconds later out pops a song.
And then: “Suggest a craft activity based on this passage that they will enjoy doing – we have 25 minutes and basic craft materials.”
Her verdict afterwards? “Amazing! Our kids loved it!”
Just one example of how AI is making inroads into church life. But it also raises important questions:
Is it OK to use AI in church?
How do we use it well?
And what areas of church life should AI not be involved in?
Used well, AI could be a great asset for Christian ministry, used badly it could leave us with fast-food ministry – great on the outside but lacking humanity and depth on the inside.
To help churches think through these issues, the AI Christian Partnership has published AI Guidelines for Christian Ministry, a practical guide for church leaders and volunteers. The Guidelines were piloted in churches from four denominations and reviewed by UK experts.
Among its recommendations are:
Use AI as an assistant not an expert
The Guidelines explain the benefits and risks of AI, offer practical guidance for everyday use, and include a simple Church Statement that congregations can adapt to start their own conversations about AI.
Download AI Guidelines for Christian Ministry free at 
www.aichristian.org/guidelines.
___________________________________
______________________________________
Government consultation on weddings proposes greater flexibility and cheaper options
Couples will soon be able to marry almost anywhere, including forests, beaches, cruise ships at sea, canal boats, and at home, under Government proposals that “shift the focus from bricks and mortar to people and promises”.
The Ministry of Justice (MoJ) is to consult on plans to allow “authorised officiants” of any religion or belief to conduct weddings, in what are being described as the most radical changes to marriage law in England and Wales since the 19th century.
The Government says, however, that the “permanence” of marriage will be strengthened by enabling more questioning of candidates before their weddings.
“To protect against forced, predatory and sham marriages, couples must complete a two-stage process, including in-person interview, to verify their identity and demonstrate eligibility to marry.”
Anglican banns of marriage would continue “as an important part of the established Church”, the document says.
It continues: “The Government agrees with the Law Commission’s recommendation that Anglican weddings should continue to be conducted as they are now. It recognises the unique role of the Church of England and the Church [in] Wales in relation to marriage and has no plans to alter . . . these roles.”
The MoJ says that the proposals will reduce costs. The average wedding in England costs more than £20,000 and venue hire alone typically costs around £6,000 – before any food.
About 470,000 people marry in England and Wales each year. Anglican weddings are generally required to take place in a church or chapel, although they can take place in a private home by special licence.
____________________________________________
Church to mark modern day martyrs in annual commemoration
The Church of England will have an annual commemoration for a group of Christians murdered by Daesh terrorists as a vivid reminder of the persecution of the worldwide Christian Church.
General Synod has approved plans to introduce an annual commemoration for the ‘21 Martyrs of Libya’ – a group of Christian men martyred in 2015 – into the Church’s liturgical calendar.
Modern day Christian Martyrs, the 20 Coptic Christians and one Ghanaian were killed after they refused to renounce their faith. They had been targeted specifically for their Christian identity, and they died with the words ‘O my Lord Jesus’ on their lips.
They have also been recognised as Martyrs by the Coptic Church and are commemorated by the Roman Catholic Church.
General Synod’s decision in July marked the first time that the liturgical calendar has been altered since 2010.
Bishop Michael Ipgrave, Chair of the Liturgical Commission, said the commemoration would fix “our gaze on a beach in Libya where the same Lord was confessed by men whose worldly power was small, but whose witness has become immense.”
The commemoration will take place on 15th February every year.
_____________________________________________________________
MABEL McGURK
The oldest member of St Mary’s congregation, Mabel McGurk, reached the remarkable milestone of 102 years on 13th August. She doesn’t seem to have aged at all since she celebrated her 100th birthday two years ago!
The photo shows Mabel with a few of her longstanding friends who visited her at Nunthorpe Hall for a celebration (and cake!)
A very happy birthday Mabel from all your friends at St Mary’s…
________________________________
September 2026 Diary Page
Bible Study (via Zoom) Every Wednesday at 7pm during term time
Prayer meeting first Monday in the Month 7pm in church.
Tuesday 1st
2pm – 3.30pm
Talk on SHELTERBOX (Emergency Disaster Relief Charity)
Saturday 5th
9.30am Churchyard tidy / Church cleaning
Sunday 6th
HARVEST
9am Holy Communion
10am Parish Communion
6.30pm Evening Prayer
Tuesday 8th
10am Holy Communion
Wednesday 9th
10am COFFEE MORNING
7pm PCC Meeting
Sunday 13th
9am Holy Communion
10.00am Parish Communion
6.30pm Evening Prayer
Tuesday 15th
10am Holy Communion
Sunday 20th
9am Holy Communion
10am Parish Communion
6.30pm Evening Prayer
Tuesday 22nd
10am Holy Communion
Sunday 27th
9am Holy Communion
10am Parish Communion
6.30pm Evening Prayer
TUESDAY 29th
10am Holy Communion
_______________________________________________________
A TRIP DOWN THE RIVER TEES
Last month I and several family members had the pleasure of The Harbour Master and two crew members taking us on the Harbour Master’s launch up the River Tees, past the Transporter Bridge, then down to Teesport and the mouth of the river.
This special event had been arranged due to my connections with the river having worked in the shipping and distribution business for 50 years and still serve on the North East Shipbrokers Committee.
It brought back many memories of when I worked at Tees Dock with Bell Lines at the Container Terminal and was a Ship’s agent boarding vessels on the river berths. It was amazing to see how the commercial side of the river has changed and the improvements at Teesport, to the cranes and size of the container vessels now.
It was a reminder that we have a major river on our doorstep and we do not know or see the developments that are happening for the future of Teesside.
We were fortunate to have a sunny day with light winds and the two photos show some of our family and myself on the launch. I even had the opportunity of steering the launch, accompanied by two of the grandchildren, and I can report no collisions occurred!
It was a once in a life time occasion which I and my family totally enjoyed.
Brian Livingstone
HARVEST FESTIVAL
Harvest Festival will take place on Sunday 6th September at 10am.
Gifts of tinned or packet goods, can be brought to the 9am, 10am, or 6.30pm services. NO FRESH PRODUCE, and please make sure your donations are in date.
The donations will be given to Middlesbrough Foodbank.
_________________________________________
SHELTERBOX
On Tuesday 1st September there will be a talk in church by Peter Tracey, Shelterbox Ambassador and Co-ordinator (INorth East) on the work of ShelterBox.
ShelterBox is an Emergency Disaster Relief Charity. Their vision is that no-one should be without shelter after a disaster.
Their mission is to provide shelter, essential items and technical assistance to help vulnerable people rebuild their homes after disaster.
The talk will be from 2.00pm – 3.30pm (doors open at 1.00pm)
Entrance is FREE but donations are welcome for ShelterBox (there will be a collection box at the back of church). Refreshments are also available for a small donation
________________________________________
FRANCESCA ELOISE
A poem written by Wyn Hirst about her granddaughter.
I have delightful conversations
Honest, unpretentious
Untainted by common worldliness
Content to react to my mature utterances.
We each have a secret language
And both express it freely.
She is new to this world,
For me decades have unfurled
Her words are merely sounds
Chuckles, squeals, gurgles.
Hand gestures supplement the sounds,
Expressing her feelings and needs
With the enthusiasm of a crazy choreographer.
My stories may be nonsensical
But yet, she rewards me with sounds almost musical.
Rewards?
Her genuine smiles.
Uplifted we laugh together
Such joyful treasure may non malign.
________________________________________________________
September 2026 Crossword
CLUES
Across
1 ‘Its builders — in vain’ (Psalm 127) (6)
4 Season of the year (Psalm 84) (6)
7 ‘— here and keep watch with me’ (Matthew 26) (4)
8 It came over the whole land on the first Good Friday (Luke 23) (8)
9 Paul invariably did this in the synagogues (Acts 17) (8)
13 ‘And to — according to his good purpose’ (Philippians 2) (3)
16 Members of the Church of Scotland (13)
17 ‘He went up on a mountain side and — down’ (Matthew 5) (3)
19 Mock (Luke14) (8)
24 Disgrace (Psalm44) (8)
25 First month of the Hebrew calendar (Exodus13) (4)
26 Christianity of the Britons before Augustine arrived from Rome (6)
27 Mean (Numbers 35) (6)
Down
1 ‘Whoever finds his life will — it’ (Matthew 10) (4)
2 ‘Let the — — on me and on my father’s family’ (2 Samuel 14) (5,4)
3 O raid (anag.) (5)
4 ‘If two of you on earth — about anything you ask for’ (Matthew 18) (5)
5 Take care of (1 Samuel 17) (4)
6 What the older son heard as he came near the house (Luke 15) (5)
10 ‘But rather think of yourself with — judgment’ (Romans 12) (5)
11 Do ten(anag.)(5)
12 Architectural style first used in Greek temples in the sixth century BC (5)
13 Capable of being used (1Kings7) (9)
14 ‘Each one should — his own actions’ (Galatians6) (4)
15 Among the items imported by Solomon (1 Kings 10) (4)
18 ‘But I am afraid that just —— was deceived by the serpent’s cunning’ (2 Corinthians 11) (2,3)
20 Outstanding 18th-century hymn writer, — Watts (5)
21 One of the four sons of Asher (Genesis46) (5)
22 Be distressed(Proverbs24)(4)
23 He was the father of Gaal (Judges 9) (4)
Answers to August Crossword
ACROSS: 8, Prince of Peace. 9, INF. 10, Unmarried. 11, Gulag. 13, Treason. 16, In aid of. 19, Arena.
22, Calvinist. 24, Pad. 25, Moses and Aaron.
DOWN: 1, Spring. 2, Sinful. 3, Scourged. 4, Commit. 5, Spur. 6, Matins. 7, Feed on. 12, Urn. 14, Erastian, 15, Own.
16, Income. 17, At last. 18, Friend. 20, Empire. 21, Adding. 23, Inst.
Winner Peter Warren
Crosswords reproduced by kind permission of BRF and John Capon, originally published in Three Down, Nine Across, by John Capon (£6.99 BRF)
___________________________________________________
September 2026 Anagrams
DURHAM CATHEDRAL
Rearrange these letters to form the names of twelve noteworthy features of Durham Cathedral.
Answers may consist of one, two, four or five words.
1. CONTRARY NUKE SACK 2. TRISH OPENS HOB 3. HEELIE CLAGPAL 4. EE THE VERBAL BENDE
5. CREST OILS 6. SEE VIC RENNELL 7. BINS MATCH BEST TROUT 8. DONKY TOM MORRIS
9. TERRYS LOBLEE FARM 10. PLAN TO TEACH A NESH FLIER
Compiled by Peter Warren
_____________________________________________
August Answers
PUB NAMES IN YORKSHIRE:
1. THE BAY HORSE 2. THE BLACK BULL 3. THE FOX AND HOUNDS 4. THE DURHAM OX
5. THE DOG AND GUN 6. THE BLACK LION 7. THE FALCON INN 8. THE BLACK SWAN
9. THE FAT CAT 10. THE RED LION 11. THE WHITE HART 12. THE BLACK HORSE
Winner: Wyn Hirst
___________________________________________________
September 2026 Soduko Puzzle
August Sodoku Solution
Winners Jack Thompson
____________________________________________________
The Revd Dr Jo White continues her series on aspects of Christianity.
Reflected Faith Series: The Peace
Last time we reflected on the time of ‘Intercessions’ within our service. This month, we consider what comes next.
In a Common Worship Communion service, the ‘Peace’ comes straight after the Intercessions. There is no such thing with a Book of Common Prayer (BCP) service.
A time of sharing ‘The Peace’ is not restricted to Communion services, but may take place in other services also.
It does not have to follow the Intercessions, but instead could also be held towards the start or end of the service.
Where you place ‘the Peace’ is significant: having it at the beginning emphasises the community coming together, whilst towards the end of the service might be to emphasise the importance of being together that encourages and enables us to take God with us into our everyday lives.
But why have it at all? Haven’t we all come together to this service to worship the same God? To be together with others who think and believe as we do?
Hopefully yes, but sometimes we just need a visible sign of that very unity and a reminder that we are a part of this community where we are, as well as a part of the wider church across the world.
It is so easy to forget this. To just go on repeat and not be conscious of this enormous honour that we have to ‘meet together in His presence’.
‘Sharing the peace’- however we do that – with one another is a demonstrative act of community. Everyone is included.
The Peace of the Lord be always with you – And also with you.
This month
Where is ‘The Peace’ placed within your service and what do you think is the reason for that? Does making a physical connection – however you do that – with those around you make a difference to your thinking about ‘community’?
____________________________________________________
Lester Amann considers a great prophet of Israel.
Samuel – the exceptional man who put the crown on David’s head
The Bible contains descriptions of many kinds of leaders. These men (and sometimes women) were responsible for the well-being of groups of people. Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt. Joshua led the wilderness wanderers into the Promised Land. Gideon, Ezra and Nehemiah led people to fight against their enemies and improved their moral and spiritual lives.
While these people may be familiar to us, the Bible also mentions other individuals who had different leadership responsibilities. Some fulfilled their positions readily while others, like Joseph and Esther, gradually became aware of their roles and achieved the purposes God had for them.
As a baby, Samuel was dedicated to the service of God. While a young boy, God spoke directly to him. Samuel grew up gaining favour with both God and men. At an early age, God was with Samuel and made everything that Samuel said come true.
Samuel became the ruler of Israel. His style of leadership was based on godliness, fairness and good organisation. He settled disputes, served as a judge and banned pagan gods from the land.
When Samuel became old, the people became restless. They demanded to have a king to rule over them. God reluctantly agreed. Under God’s guidance, Samuel chose Saul. Unfortunately, Saul failed to lead the people in the way of God. So, Samuel was directed by God to anoint David – to be the next king of Israel.
Samuel, it appears, was acutely aware of his responsibility to be a good leader. He was a man of good reputation but his obedience to God brought about difficulty, uncertainty and hardship. He wanted Saul to be a good leader, but Saul failed to live up to his high calling. Samuel was deeply upset and departed from the king’s presence. He knew that a bad leader would bring about the nation’s downfall.
Nevertheless, Samuel treated Saul with respect and courtesy. He understood the principle of submission to God-ordained authority. He was loyal to Saul, even though he turned out to be a bad leader.
Samuel’s grief over Saul’s failure is a reminder for us to pray for our leaders on a regular basis (whether or not they fall short in their official capacity!) We need God to provide us with leaders who are trustworthy and honourable. Let’s pray for good leaders that they may enhance truth, peace and justice throughout the world.
_____________________________________________________
What God won’t ask
God won’t ask what kind of car you drove, He’ll ask how many people you drove who didn’t have transportation.
God won’t ask how big your house was, He’ll ask how many people you welcomed into your home.
God won’t ask about the clothes you had in your closet, He’ll ask how many you helped to clothe.
God won’t ask what your highest salary was, He’ll ask if you compromised your character to obtain it.
God won’t ask what your job title was, He’ll ask if you performed your job to the best of your ability.
God won’t ask how many friends you had, He’ll ask how many people to whom you were a friend.
God won’t ask in what neighbourhood you lived, He’ll ask how you treated your neighbours.
_____________________________________________________
By the Revd Roy Shaw, a retired but active priest in the diocese of York, where he is a spiritual director.
Clothed with Christ
Georg Philip Telemann, the 18th Century German composer, was an early collector of folk music, long before the vogue for collecting folk tunes in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, which in England drew in Ralph Vaughan Williams, Cecil Sharp and George Butterworth.
Telemann would travel to Poland and note down the folk tunes he heard there, which then re-appeared in his music and played for the sophisticated audiences at his concerts. He described the transformation of folk tunes to concerti as ‘clothing the tunes in an Italian coat’- the Italian style being all the rage at the time.
The phrase ‘clothed in an Italian coat’ is rich in allusions. Peasant fustian becomes elegant and rich velvet or silk, in gorgeous hues which bring distinction to the wearer. From workaday to refined, the image speaks of transformation. It’s possibly also a covering over of the ragged with something altogether more presentable.
Clothing is an image used by St. Paul at least three times in his letters. Writing to the believers in Rome, (ch 13 v14) he urges his readers to ‘put on the Lord Jesus Christ’. He’s urging an active participation in all that Jesus was and did, a daily mental decision to be as Christ. To the Galatians (ch3v27) he says ’for all of you who were baptised into Christ have clothed yourself with Christ.’ As it were, your old clothes won’t do any more- you need the fresh clean linen which Christ offers. And to the Colossians Paul writes (ch3v12ff) ‘clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience… And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.’
Clothes are important. They make a statement, say something about how we wish to present ourselves- smart or casual, formal or informal, conservative or outlandish. We make judgements about people (often wrongly) from how they dress. St Paul is taking these themes to a deeper level, asking that our character as Christians reflects and brings honour to the one who has invited us into his kingdom of justice, peace and love. I was invited some years ago to a Garden Party at Buckingham Palace. Should I wear crocs, yellow shorts and a Hawaiian shirt? No contest! That would not honour the Queen and the occasion. A formal suit or nothing.
How does your character reflect Jesus? What have you asked to be clothed in as you have prayed? God bless you as your daily life reflects all that Jesus would have it be; may we all be ‘clothed with Christ’.
______________________________________________________
Canon Paul Hardingham continues his series on the books of the Bible.
What’s the Big Idea? – an Introduction to the Books of the Old Testament: Daniel
This month we return to looking at Old Testament books. The book of Daniel describes his life in Babylon during the sixth century B.C., when he served both Babylonian and Persian rulers.
As a teenager, Daniel and his three friends were deported in 605 B.C. to Babylon, where he lived for over 70 years. They were trained as officials in King Nebuchadnezzar’s court for three years. Their names and diets were changed to reflect Babylonian culture and take away their Jewish identity. However, Daniel and his friends showed the superiority of their Jewish diet and gained the favour of the king.
Chapters 1-6 are largely narrative, with Daniel and his friends (renamed Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego) demonstrating that God is in control. The three friends refused to worship the pagan Babylonian gods and were thrown into a fiery furnace. However, they emerged unharmed because of God’s miraculous protection. He also delivered Daniel from a den of lions when he refused to worship the Persian king Darius. Daniel also interpreted several visions and dreams for King Nebuchadnezzar and Belshazzar. The second half of the book (chaps.7-12) consists of a series of visions, which show that God is in control of history.
The book affirms that God is the sovereign ruler of the world and rewards His faithful servants, as expressed by Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego: ‘If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if He does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.’ (Daniel 3: 17,18)
__________________________________________________
The Revd Paul Hardingham looks back on that terrible morning 25 years ago this month…
25th Anniversary of 9/11
Twenty-five years ago, on Tuesday 11th September 2001, terrorist attacks demolished the Twin Towers in New York. They killed 2,996 people and injured more than 6,000. Events like 9/11 raise the inevitable question: Why does God allow such suffering to take place?
There are no easy answers to this question! We cannot fully understand why such things happen, although we live in a fallen world, where people make real choices. Yet the Bible affirms that God identifies with our suffering, supremely when Jesus experienced suffering and death.
It is on the Cross that God knows what it is to lose a loved one in an unjust attack. ‘I could never myself believe in God if it were not for the Cross. In the real world of pain, how could one worship a God who was immune to it?’ (John Stott). What does this mean? We cannot know why God allows evil and suffering to continue, but we do know that He does love and care for us: ‘For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.’ (John 3:16). God loved us enough to fully engage with the mess of the world.
We also can view such events in the light of resurrection. Jesus said: ‘I am the Resurrection and the Life. The one who believes in Me will live’ (John 11:25). Resurrection points to the restoration for us of the life we lost. New heavens and new earth point to a world and relationships restored and perfected! In The Lord of the Rings, Sam Gamgee exclaims: ‘Gandalf! I thought you were dead! But then I thought I was dead! Is everything sad going to come untrue?’ The answer of the Bible is Yes!
____________________________________________________________
‘Through laziness, the rafters sag; because of idle hands, the house leaks.’ (Ecclesiastes 10:18).
11th September The 25th Anniversary of 9/11
25 years ago, on 11th September 2001, the terrorist attacks on America took place.
Al-Qaeda terrorists hijacked four planes and crashed them into the World Trade Center’s Twin Towers in New York, into the Pentagon, and into a field in Pennsylvania (following a passenger revolt – the intended target was Washington DC). 2,973 people were killed.
This year major national institutions in the US will mark the anniversary of that terrible day. In New York, a good number of Christian churches and interfaith groups are planning special services and memorial events.
This will include hourly musical offerings at St Paul’s Chapel in New York City, in honour of the chapel’s role as a refuge for the first responders.
Other events include a digital experience at the 9/11 Memorial & Museum, and various events by the New York City Fire Department, who lost 343 members that day, as well as the 400 members who have since died from World Trade Center-related illnesses. There will also be the iconic reading of the names of those who died, and the annual Tribute in Light installation, held at Ground Zero.
In the UK, the 25th anniversary of 9/11 will be remembered by a Memorial Concert held on Friday, 11th September at Southwark Cathedral (7:30 pm to 9:30 pm). A special guest performance by The Outcry Ensemble will present a programme of American and British music reflecting on loss, memory and the human cost of violence.
_______________________________________
Organ Donation Week – 22nd to 27th September
More than 8,000 people in the UK are hoping for a life-saving organ transplant.
The primary organs that can be donated for transplant include the kidneys, liver, heart, lungs, pancreas, and small bowel (intestines).
This month’s annual Organ Donation Week will once again raise awareness of the need for transplants, and buildings and landmarks across the UK will light up pink in support. The hope is to inspire people to sign-up on the NHS Organ Donor Register, and to encourage families to talk about their donation choices.
The NHS says that “Everyone has a choice as to whether or not they want to become an organ donor after they die. And if you choose to donate, you can choose to donate either some or all of your organs.
“By registering to become an organ donor you have the option to donate organs such as your heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, pancreas and small bowel. All of these forms of donation can greatly enhance or even save the life of someone in need.” The NHS stresses that families are always consulted, making clear wishes vital despite opt-out laws.
Each year in the UK nearly 4,000 organ transplants are performed, using organs from around 2,300 actual organ donors (including both deceased and living donors.)
For more info, or to register your own decision, visit the NHS Organ Donation website at: https://www.organdonation.nhs.uk
___________________________________________________________
Those new Royal Mail solar-powered digital post-boxes
Royal Mail has converted about 3,500 of the old trusty red post-boxes into digital affairs, out of the 115,000 post-boxes in the country.
The new solar-powered digital post-boxes feature a solar panel roof, a built-in barcode scanner, and an extra-large drawer that accepts parcels up to shoebox size.
The idea is that the solar panels on top capture sunlight to power the digital scanner and automated drawer mechanism. So, then all you have to do is to scan the 2D barcode on your pre-paid parcel label, using the box’s scanner to automatically open the large drawer.
The traditional letter slot remains, for regular stamped mail.
As for proof of posting? You use the Royal Mail app on your phone to track and request confirmation when you drop off an item.
If you don’t want to download an app or use a printer, the good news is that you can still send your parcels as before, at a post office counter.
_______________________________________
Tim Lenton
Hornby trains and Dinky toys
It was 90 years ago, on 21st September 1936, that Frank Hornby, the British inventor, died. He is remembered for the immensely popular Meccano, Hornby Model Railways and Dinky Toys.
Hornby was born into a Liverpool working-class family and was said to have been inspired by the industry in the city. He was brought up as a Methodist and was interested in music, having a strong tenor voice. He met his future wife, Clara, when they were members of the Liverpool Philharmonic Society choir: they married in 1887 and had three children.
To amuse his two sons he constructed a model crane using perforated strips of metal held together with nuts and bolts. It could be dismantled and the parts used to build other things: this formed the basis of Meccano, which when refined proved hugely popular.
After the first world war he turned his attention to the construction of toy trains, powered by clockwork. At first these were made from kits, but it was not long before they were sold as ready-made train sets – a perfect children’s toy. Dinky toys started as an accessory but soon developed into big-sellers in their own right.
Later Hornby, who was described as polite and a “keen observer of morality”, became a Conservative MP for Everton. In his youth he joined the anti-alcohol Band of Hope and set up a number of groups and clubs dedicated to the improvement of society. He was a great believer in determination and the ability to overcome setbacks.
This enabled him to become not only a visionary but a practical creator in toy development and production. His persistence in adapting his original ideas and making them workable brought him deserved success in producing three of the most popular lines of toys in the 20th century.
_________________________________________________
Hard Times
There is the sea, vast and spacious, teeming with creatures beyond number, living things both large and small.
Psalm 104:25
Do you remember rock? I do not mean the music, but the confectionary sticks sold at seaside resorts. They were pink cylinders about a foot long and an inch wide with a white centre and had the name of the place in letters. They were covered in film and had a small label with a picture of the place on. It is sometimes referred to now as Rock Candy which does not seem right. They were hard as, well, hard as rock and very difficult to break up to eat. Real teeth breakers.
One source says it started at fairgrounds in the 19th Century, when sugar was plentiful and inexpensive. It was not brightly coloured or lettered in those days, but it was of similar shape and size as it is today.
Ben Bullock was an ex-miner from Burnley, who conceived the idea whilst holidaying in Blackpool. He began producing sticks of brightly coloured lettered candy at his Yorkshire-based sweet factory in 1887. He sent his first batch of lettered rock to retailers in Blackpool, where it was well received. Other sources say a Victorian character by the name of Dynamite Dick, who came from either Morecombe or Blackpool.
It takes a lot of skill to make it. I think it is still available on sale to eat or keep as a souvenir.
David Pickup a solicitor
__________________________________________________
Why wearing slippers isn’t always so cosy
Many of us love the comfort of wearing our slippers around the house. They are warm and cosy and keep the carpets clean.
But – if you wear them for many hours a day, beware: slippers can be dangerous when they show signs of wear and tear. Soles with holes, flaps, worn down backs, or frayed uppers are the reasons for thousands of painful falls each year.
How sturdy are your slippers? If you can fold them in half, they are not supporting your feet. So walking on the hard floors in your home will mean that the impact from each step goes straight to your knees, hips and lower back.
And what about arch support? Anyone with arthritis, sciatica, knee and back pain or plantar fasciitis will really struggle without it.
Instead, slippers need to have a rubbery cushioned thick sole, which provides some shock absorption. And they need to have a heel cup indentation, so it is easy to keep the slipper on. Otherwise, you will be clawing your foot to hang on to them, which will put strain on the tendons below. Some people find that croc-style clogs are a good option.
At the end of the day, it pays to be good to your feet. They are a complicated and wonderful mix of 26 bones, 33 small joints, 29 muscles, and dozens of tendons, ligaments, nerves and blood vessels. In the words of the Psalmist, your foot is ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’ and deserves your protection and support.
_______________________________________________________
How often should you change your sheets?
Ever wonder that?
When the question was put to various sleep coaches and sheet manufacturers, they came up with a variety of things to consider.
Once a week is thought to be good practise by many, but no more than twice a week, or you risk putting unnecessary wear and tear on your bedlinen.
Do you bath at night or in the morning? It matters, because that determines how much dust and sweat you will be taking to bed with you each night.
Do your pets sleep with you? In that case you may wish to change your bedding more than once a week. They may be leaving the odd flea, tick and certainly some fur in your bed.
Do you have allergies? If they include dust mites, it may be worth changing your bed every three to four days. Allergy UK advises a 60 degree wash to kill dust mites.
And finally, don’t rush to make your bed each morning. Instead, pull back the sheets, open the window, and give it some time to air.
_______________________________________
Can’t sleep? Could these drinks be keeping you awake?
Sleep experts suggest the following possible suspects:
Alcohol. It interferes with the way your brain shuts down for the night. It can disrupt the deeper, more restorative level of sleep that you need.
Hot chocolate. Here it is the added sugar that is the problem. It gives you an energy boost that you don’t need at bedtime!
Tea or coffee in the afternoon. Caffeine stays in your system for at least five hours.
That glass of water by your bed. It will probably wake you up in the night. Instead, consider increasing your liquid intake earlier in the day.
But if you really want a drink at bedtime, here are three that might help: Chamomile tea has an antioxidant called apigenin, which promotes sleepiness. Warm milk contains tryptophan, an amino acid that helps produce serotonin and melatonin. And peppermint tea soothes your digestive system.
____________________________________
by Tim Lenton
Remembering Buddy Holly
Ninety years ago, on 7th September 1936, Buddy Holly, the American rock and roll singer, was born Charles Hardin Holley in Lubbock, Texas. His career was cut short when he was killed in a plane crash in 1959 – an event remembered as “the day the music died”.
Holly was raised by a devout Southern Baptist family and was baptised at the Tabernacle Baptist Church in his hometown. His widely recognised talent as a musician and singer led him into the emerging country rock scene, where performers were often exploited by those working behind the scenes.
His influence has been acknowledged by many top singers and guitarists, including Bob Dylan, the Beatles, the Rolling Stones and Eric Clapton.
The plane crash happened during a poorly organised winter tour of the Mid West where the buses supplied were hopelessly inadequate in terms of reliability and heating. Temperatures well below freezing led Holly to hire a small private plane to take three of them to the next venue. The inexperienced pilot crashed the plane shortly after take-off near Clear Lake, Iowa, killing everyone on board: himself, Holly, J P “The Big Bopper” Richardson, who was given his seat because he was suffering from flu, and Ritchie Valens, who won it on a coin toss.
Holly’s pregnant wife Elena heard of his death on the radio, and the shock of it led to a miscarriage. This resulted in the convention of not broadcasting the sudden death of anyone without close relatives being informed.
The disaster was immortalised by singer/songwriter Don McLean, who said he had idolised Holly and felt his death marked a watershed between the innocence of the 1950s and the changes brought about by the Vietnam generation. His song, The Day the Music Died, was a long and brilliant solo performance.
__________________________________________
The Rectory
St James the Least of All
My dear Nephew Darren
Thank you for sending me the photograph of you having your face painted at your parish’s ‘Fun Day’ – although I can’t help feeling that to label an event ‘fun’ is the most effective way of draining it of all amusement whatsoever. Why on earth can’t parishes continue with the traditional title of ‘Crowning of the Rose Queen and Fete’, equally traditionally grimly enjoyed to the accompaniment of thunder and torrential rain.
However, the one thing that caused me the greatest concern in your photo was the fact that you were wearing sandals. Sandals are only to be worn by Franciscan monks (without socks) and holidaymakers on Blackpool promenade (regrettably, generally with socks). I know that you will argue that Jesus wore sandals. This was mainly because reliable pairs of brogues had yet to be invented, but also because He lived in a hot, dry country. We live in a cold, wet one.
The only appropriate colour for footwear for a parish priest is black, and the only appropriate material is leather – although I will concede that can create difficulties. Wet leather shoes and polished marble sanctuary floors are a potentially lethal combination.
I well remember as a curate when old Canon Griffith entered the Sanctuary, having just got drenched coming from the Rectory. His feet moved across the marble floor some miles per hour faster than the rest of his body. Had he landed face down, the congregation may have assumed he was reverently prostrating himself before the altar. But lying in a supine position, staring in a dazed state at the rafters, only conveyed inappropriate indolence, when he should be at work.
However, do not take the alternative of wearing crepe soles. I suspect your present church will be fully carpeted – it seems to go with your sort of theology – and there will be no problem. But crepe soles and any sort of polished stone floor are a truly disastrous mixture. The slightest movement will make it sound as if you are being followed by a swarm of demented frogs.
Your loving uncle,
Eustace
_________________________________________________
BOOK REVIEW
Hope for All Creation – a theological response to the environmental crises
By House of Bishops, CHP, £12.99
Hope for All Creation presents a theological vision by which members of the Church of England might think, reflect and act in response to the current environmental crises, in partnership with other denominations and all people of good will. Drawing on a rich history of Anglican theological reflection on the environment, it takes forward this tradition to inform the Church of England’s care for creation. It does so at a time when humanity’s disruption of the Earth seems on the threshold of the catastrophes earlier reports warned of. It also seeks to deepen the Church’s vision of creation and human responsibility and to articulate more fully God’s reconciliation of all things in Christ and the hope for the redemption and renewal he provides.
Finally, it offers a vision of how Christians can seek to live in a reconciled relationship with other creatures in the light of this hope and integrate this fully into Christian mission and discipleship. Hope for All Creation is a teaching document from the House of Bishops of the Church of England and features a Foreword by the Archbishops of Canterbury and York.
_________________________________________
All in the month of September.
It was:
250 years ago, on 9th September that the Second Continental Congress adopted the name United States, which replaced United Colonies.
200 years ago, on 5th September 1826 that John Wisden, British cricketer was born. Founder of Wisden’s Cricketers’ Almanac. Launched with 112 pages in 1864, it now runs to 1500 pages and is the bible of cricket.
175 years ago, on 19th September 1851, Wiliam Lever, 1st Viscount Leverhulme, was born. Co-founder of Lever Brothers with his brother James. Now called Unilever, this global consumer goods company operates in more than 190 countries.
125 years ago, on 29th September 1901 that Enrico Fermi, Italian-born American physicist was born. Creator of the first nuclear reactor, he became known as the ‘architect of the nuclear bomb.’
90 years ago, on 7th September 1936 that Buddy Holly, the American rock and roll singer and hits was born. Killed in a plane crash in 1959.
Also 90 years ago, on 21st September 1936 that Frank Hornby, British inventor, died. Remembered for Meccano, Hornby Model Railways and Dinky Toys.
Also 90 years ago, on 30th September 1936 that Pinewood Studios in Buckinghamshire were officially opened.
80 years ago, on 5th September 1946 that Freddie Mercury, Zanzibar-born British rock singer and songwriter was born. As lead singer of Queen, he sold more than 250 million records worldwide. Died of bronchial pneumonia resulting from AIDS in 1991.
70 years ago, on 25th September 1956 that the world’s first transatlantic cable, TAT-1, went into service. It could carry 36 simultaneous calls, later increased to 72. It was retired in 1978.
65 years ago, on 11th September 1961, that the World Wildlife Fund (now the World Wide Fund for Nature) was founded in Switzerland. Nowadays it is the world’s largest conservation organisation, operating in nearly 100 countries with over 35 million supporters.
60 years ago, on 8th September 1966 that the Severn Bridge was officially opened. Linking Wales and England over the rivers Severn and Wye, it carries about 32,000 vehicles a day.
50 years ago, on 5th September 1976 that the first episode of the Muppet Show was broadcast on ITV in the UK. It attracted 15 million viewers and ran for five series until March 1981.
40 years ago, on 7th September 1986 that Desmond Tutu became the first black Archbishop of Cape Town. Retired in 1996.
30 years ago, on 27th September 1996 that the Taliban seized control of Kabul, the capital of Afghanistan. Mullah Omar was installed as Head of the Supreme Council and ruled until 2001.
25 years ago, on 11th September 2001 that the terrorist attacks on America took place. Al-Qaeda terrorists hijacked four planes and crashed them into the World Trade Centre’s Twin Towers in New York, into the Pentagon, and into a field in Pennsylvania (following a passenger revolt – the intended target was Washington DC). 2,973 people were killed.
20 years ago, on 3rd September 2006 that Andre Agassi announced his retirement due to back problems. He was 36, a former world number one in tennis, and the 1996 Olympic champion.
**
______________________________________________
Smile Lines
Creation
One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So, they picked one scientist to go and tell Him so.
The scientist walked up to God and said, “God, we’ve decided that we no longer need you. We’re to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things by ourselves.”
God listened very patiently and then replied: “Very well, how about this? Let’s say we have a man-making contest. We’re going to do this just like I did, back in the old days with Adam.”
The scientist said, “Sure, no problem” and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.
God looked at him and said, “No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!”
**
Wedding guest
A little boy at Sunday School learned about the time Jesus went to a wedding and changed the water into wine. “And what did you learn from that story?” asked his father afterward.
The boy thought for a moment and answered, “If you’re having a wedding, make sure Jesus is there.”
**
Freezer labels
Jane had a system for labelling homemade freezer meals. She would carefully note in large clear letters, ‘Lasagne’, ‘Beef stew’, ‘Chicken casserole’, etc. But every day when she asked her husband what he wanted for dinner, he never asked for any of those meals.
So finally, she decided to stock up with his various requests. Nowadays her freezer is full of dinners with neat little tags that say: ‘Whatever’, ‘Anything’, ‘I Don’t Know’, ‘I Don’t Care’, ‘Something Good’, or ‘Food’.
No more frustration for Jane, because no matter what her husband wants for dinner, it’s there waiting.
**
Retreat
A man with a nagging secret couldn’t keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked. “What did you take?” his priest asked.
“Enough to build my own house and enough for my son’s house. And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake.”
“This is very serious,” the priest said. “I shall have to think of a far-reaching penance. Have you ever done a retreat?”
“No, Father, I haven’t,” the man replied. “But if you can get the plans, I can get the lumber.”
**
Questions
The phone rang. It was a salesman calling from a mortgage refinance company: “Do you have a second mortgage on your home?” I said no.
“Would you like to consolidate all your debts?” I explained that I had no debts.
“How about freeing up cash for home improvements?” I said I was happy with what I had already.
There was a brief silence, and then he asked, “Are you looking for a husband?”
**
Typeface
I’m working on a new typeface to be used for church bulletins. I call it Baptismal Font.
**
Get rid
A man bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he decided to put it outside in his front garden, along with a sign saying: ‘Free to good home.’ For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.
So eventually the man changed the sign to read: ‘Fridge for sale: £30’. The next day someone stole it.
**
Shops
Grandfather talked often about the ‘good old days’, when the cost of living was much lower. “When I was a lad,” he exclaimed, “my mother could send me to the local shop and I’d get some mince, two pints of milk, some bread, some tinned rice and a magazine – all for less than a pound!”
His young grandson protested: “You couldn’t do that now. They got those video cameras everywhere you look.”
**
What makes airport security think they can find something in your wife’s handbag when even she can’t?
**
Signs found in modern kitchens….
1. If a messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, this kitchen is delirious.
2. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
3. A husband is someone who takes out the rubbish and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
4. If we are what we eat, then I’m easy, fast, and cheap.
5. A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.
6. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
7. A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
9. Help keep the kitchen clean — eat out.
10. Many people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.
**
Wedding
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”
“Because white is the colour of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.”
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, “So why is the groom wearing black?”
**
No date
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she explained: “They wouldn’t take me out while I was alive, so I don’t want them to take me out when I’m dead.”
**
Jerusalem
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: “They couldn’t get a babysitter.”
**
Editor: with the party conference season in mind….
Are politicians the oldest profession?
A surgeon, an architect and a politician were arguing as to whose profession was the oldest. Said the surgeon: “Eve was made from Adam’s rib, and that surely was a surgical operation.”
“Maybe,” admitted the architect, “but prior to that, order was created out of chaos, and that was an architectural job.”
“But” the politician pointed out in triumph, “somebody had to have created the chaos first!”
**
Answer?
Politician to aide: “About their charge that I’m indecisive – do you think I should answer it, or let it go, or answer it in part, or what?”
**
Off to uni …
Smith: So your son is in college? How is he making it?
Jones: He isn’t. I’m making it and he is spending it.
**
Letter
A boy was sent by his parents to a private school a long distance from home. He had been strictly enjoined to write home regularly and tell them all about himself and his new life. At the end of the first week, his first letter arrived: “There are 370 boys here. I wish there were 369.”
**
Fact of life
It takes only 84 days for the average schoolboy to outgrow a pair of shoes.
**
Income
A man was asked if he lived within his income. “Certainly not,” he replied. “It is all I can do to live within my credit cards.”
**
Give it up
Psychiatrists say it’s not good for a person to keep too much to himself. HMRC people say the same thing.
**
________________________________________________