Paul Hardingham continues his new series.
What’s the Big Idea? An Introduction to the Books of the Old Testament:
1 and 2 Samuel.
1 and 2 Samuel was originally a single work, which focuses on Samuel, Saul and David, around 1,000 BC, mid-way between Abraham and Jesus. It was Samuel who established the monarchy in Israel after the period of the judges. He was commanded by God to give the people a king, although their request is seen as a rejection of God’s rule over Israel (8:7).
The people simply wanted to be like other nations, however their king was still subject to God’s law and the word of the prophet. Although Samuel anointed Saul, he soon showed an unwillingness to submit to these requirements, leading to his rejection as king (15:23). God chose David as Saul’s successor, and 1 Samuel depicts David’s years of waiting until the right time arrived to claim the throne.
2 Samuel depicts David’s rule, in which the nation prospers and its enemies are defeated. The promise of the perfect king is fulfilled in Jesus Himself, as David’s descendant. The second half of the book depicts the darker side of David’s reign, describing his weaknesses and failures, including his adultery with Bathsheba and the rebellion of his son Absalom.
Nevertheless, David remained a man after God’s own heart: ‘The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.’ (1 Samuel 16:7). The characters in this book are not always great examples of faith, however, ‘They do not show us how we should live but how in fact we do live, authenticating the reality of our daily experience as the stuff that God uses to work his purposes of salvation in us and in the world.’ (Eugene Peterson).
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Prospect of winter energy bills causing anxiety for millions, says Archbishop of York
Millions are looking ahead to this winter with ‘fear and anxiety’ about the cost of heating their homes, the Archbishop of York has said as he backed the recent launch of a campaign to provide a network of warm spaces for people who struggle to pay their energy bills.
Archbishop Stephen Cottrell is encouraging churches to consider getting involved in the Warm Welcome campaign, a network of venues from community centres to churches providing warm spaces over the winter for people struggling to heat their homes
.
Archbishop Stephen said: “Sadly, what began as a cost-of-living crisis has simply become the new normal for many.
“Millions of people will look ahead to this winter with fear and anxiety, wondering how they are going to cope with high living costs. That is why I am proud to endorse the Warm Welcome campaign this winter.
“But a warm welcome isn’t only about the temperature. It is about kindness and community, giving people the chance to be seen and known, to belong and to be part of something. It is about celebrating the God-given value and dignity of every single person, finding hope and community together. But of course, none of that will happen if people are cold.”
The Warm Welcome campaign is led by a coalition of over 50 charitable organisations who joined together in response to the cost of living crisis to provide emergency support to communities struggling to pay for rising food costs and to heat their homes.
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The mysterious ways of mistletoe
Mistletoe has long been used as part of our Christmas decorations. It is not your usual kind of plant.
Instead, it is hemiparasitic, meaning that although its leaves enable it to feed itself through photosynthesis, its roots invade the host tree or shrub to extract water and other nutrients
.
Mistletoe loves living in apple, lime, hawthorn, poplar or oak trees. You may spot it high up, as a large globe, on the bare trees in winter. There is one spectacular example in Windsor Great Park, clearly visible from the path on the opposite side of the Thames
.
Mistletoe’s berries are almost translucent, fleshy and sticky. They form in the forks of mistletoe’s many branches. While they are toxic to humans, they are attractive to birds, who wipe the remaining seeds off their beaks onto the nearest branch, which of course helps the plant to spread.
For some reason, Romans thought mistletoe represented Peace, Love and Understanding. Perhaps that is how it got into our Christmas celebrations? The earliest documentary evidence for kissing under mistletoe dates from the 16th century, but we don’t know who got kissed first.
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Doctor Livingstone, I presume?
It was 150 years ago, on 10th November 1871, that Welsh journalist and explorer Henry Morton Stanley located the missing missionary Dr David Livingstone near Lake Tanganyika, in present-day Tanzania. He may or may not have greeted him with the words: “Doctor Livingstone, I presume?”
Stanley’s real name was John Rowlands. He was born in Denbigh to an unmarried 18-year-old who abandoned him. He ended up in a workhouse until he was 15, then went to America, where he changed his name and became an American citizen. When he found Livingstone, he was working for the New York Herald.
Known for his strength of will, Stanley also had an African name – Bula Matari – Breaker of Rocks. Much of his life was spent in Central Africa, and his reputation was mixed: he was said by some to be violent toward Africans, but by others to have treated them well. His feats as an explorer were impressive: he played a big part in locating the true source of both the Nile and the Congo, and he helped open up the Congo on behalf of King Leopold of Belgium.
Though not overtly religious, he felt he was engaged in a “sacred task”. He was re-naturalised a British subject in 1892, following his marriage.
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All in the month of March
It was:
300 years ago, on 8th March 1723 that Sir Christopher Wren, English architect, died. Best known for designing St Paul’s Cathedral.
125 years ago, on 16th March 1898 that Aubrey Beardsley, British illustrator, died. His black ink drawings, influenced by Japanese woodcuts, contributed to the development of Art Nouveau.
100 years ago, on 4th March 1923 that Patrick Moore, the amateur astronomer, TV presenter, writer and musician was born. Best known for presenting the TV astronomy show The Sky at Night for over 50 years. (Died 2012)
80 years ago, on 13th March 1943 that the final liquidation of Krakow Ghetto in Poland took place. 8,000 Jews were transported to Plaszow labour camp, 2000 more were simply killed in the streets, and the rest were sent to Auschwitz.
70 years ago, on 19th March 1953 that the Academy Awards ceremony (the Oscars) were televised for the first time.
Also 70 years ago, on 26th March 1953 that Dr Jonas Salk announced that he had completed the first small-scale test of a polio vaccine. Larger tests began in February 1954, and mass vaccinations began in April 1955.
65 years ago, on 2nd March 1958 that the first land crossing of Antarctica was completed by the Commonwealth Trans-Antarctic Expedition, led by Vivian Fuchs. The team of 12 men travelled 2,158 miles from Shackleton Base to Scott Base (via the South Pole) in 99 days, using six vehicles.
60 years ago, on 22nd March 1963 that the British Secretary of State for War, John Profumo, made a statement in the House of Commons in which he denied there was any impropriety in his relationship with Christine Keeler, a model who was also in a sexual relationship with a drug dealer and a Soviet naval attaché. (In June he admitted he had lied, and resigned.)
50 years ago, on 8th March 1973 that the citizens of Northern Ireland voted in a referendum to remain within the United Kingdom. That same day the IRA carried out its first bombing in Britain since WWII, planting car bombs in London. One person died, 200 were injured.
40 years ago, on 6th March 1983 that Donald Maclean, British-born Soviet spy died. He was a member of the Cambridge Spy Ring.
Also 40 years ago, on 26th March 1983, that Anthony Blunt, British art historian and Soviet spy, died.
25 years ago, on 16th March 1998 that Rwanda began mass trials for the country’s 1994 genocide. There were 125,000 suspects for 500,000 murders.
20 years ago, on 1st March 2003 that Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the al-Qaeda terrorist who masterminded the 9/11 attacks on the USA, was captured in Pakistan.
Also 20 years ago, on 12th March 2003 that the World Health Organisation issued a global alert about a severe form of pneumonia (now known as Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome – SARS) that was affecting people in China, Hong Kong and Vietnam.
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Isherwood Hall. (The original hall)
Tables and chairs are available.
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October Magazine 2026
NOTE FROM THE EDITORS
Welcome to your October magazine, as always we would welcome some articles from within our parish, home grown articles are so much better than those we source from elsewhere.
Updated 1st October 2026
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Don't Forget
THE CLOCKS GO BACK ONE HOUR ON SUNDAY 25th OCTOBER as British Summer time ends….
Extra hour in bed!! or you are going to be early for the morning service !!!!
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HARVEST Sunday 6th September
The 10am Service on September 6th celebrated Harvest.
As usual, everyone donated an amazing array of non-perishable goods which were displayed in front of the altar, and then forwarded to Middlesbrough Foodbank for distribution to those less fortunate than ourselves.
The church was decorated in autumnal colours and the shelves and chancel up to the altar were piled high with tins and packets of every description.
Thanks must go to Jean Woodward and Jill Carr for organising and setting out the displays, and also to Tony Carr who baked bread which was then consecrated and distributed at Holy Communion.
The left over bread (with jam!) was then offered to the congregation after the service to have with their coffee…
Thank you to all who donated goods, and to those who delivered them by the ton to Middlesbrough Foodbank!!
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SERVICE OF COMMEMORATION OF THE FAITHFUL DEPARTED
SUNDAY 1st NOVEMBER 3pm
A service of reflective hymns and readings to remember loved ones who have died.
This is a chance to light a candle in their memory while their names are read out.
If you wish to have the name of a loved one read out at this service, please add to the list at the back of church.
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QUIZ TIME AGAIN
Saturday 24th October at 12 noon in church.
Earlier this year we held a Quiz and Pie and Peas lunch, which proved to be very successful.
Thanks to Christine Marchant and her daughter Sarah, who organised the last quiz, we are able to do it all again!!
There will be a Raffle, and a prize for the winning team. Teams of no more than 6 people please!
Tickets are £7.50p and will be available from Brian Livingstone either at church, or ring (01642 279272).
Get your tickets quickly because once they’re gone, they’re gone! And we can only seat 40!!
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October Diary Page
Holy Communion service each Sunday at 9.00am (Said BCP service)
Sung Eucharist each Sunday at 10.00am (Common Worship)
Holy Communion each Tuesday at 10.00am (Said BCP service)
Said Evening Prayer each Sunday at 6.30pm.
BIBLE STUDY (via ZOOM) EVERY TUESDAY AT 7PM DURING TERM TIME.
PRAYER MEETING FIRST MONDAY IN THE MONTH 7pm IN CHURCH
Saturday 3rd
9.30am Churchyard tidy / Church cleaning
Sunday 4th
DEDICATION SUNDAY
9am Holy Communion
10am Parish Communion
6.30pm Evening Prayer
Tuesday 6th
10am Holy Communion
7pm Bible Study (via Zoom)
Sunday 11th
9am Holy Communion
10.00am Parish Communion
6.30pm Evening Prayer
Tuesday 13th
10am Holy Communion
Wednesday 14th
10am Coffee Morning
Sunday 18th
9am Holy Communion
10am Parish Communion
6.30pm Evening Prayer
Tuesday 20th
10am Holy Communion
Saturday 24th
12 noon QUIZ with Pie & Peas
Sunday 25th
BIBLE SUNDAY
9am Holy Communion
10am Parish Communion
6.30pm Evening Prayer
TUESDAY 27th
10am Holy Communion
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4th October – 800 years since the death of St Francis of Assisi
You’ll have heard of Giovanni di Pietro di Bernadone, although he is more probably familiar as Francis of Assisi. On 4thOctober we will mark 800 years since his death; such was his fame, influence and holiness that he was declared a saint by the pope less than two years after his death.
Francis was born into a prosperous family of silk merchants in Assisi, central Italy, probably in 1181. As a young man he loved clothes, spent money lavishly, and enjoyed a reputation of a jack-the-lad, pleasure-loving and irresponsible. But experience both as a prisoner of war and of illness led him to think deeply about his life, although it took some time for this reappraisal to bear fruit.
Just outside Assisi was the ruined chapel of San Damiano, and it was here that he felt God speak to him, asking him to “repair my church, which as you can see, is falling into ruin”. Little did Francis know at that point that ‘repairing my church’ meant much more than repairing this simple chapel – a task he set about doing.
Francis became known for his devotion to Christ and also his commitment to the poor and bereft. Others were attracted to join him in preaching the gospel and serving the poor. Eventually this was organised into a congregation of poor men (friars), which today we know as the Franciscans.
He established a Rule of Life for these men, later revised as more joined them. A sister organisation, the Poor Clares, was founded for women who wanted to give their lives to God and the service of the poor. Two years before his death, in a period of intense prayer, he is said to have displayed the stigmata – the wounds of Christ – in his hands and side. By then he was increasingly ill; blindness and malaria took its toll. He died aged just 45.
Simplicity was a hallmark of his life, which has come down to us in a number of ways. Care for the environment is one way; patron saint of animals is another. World Animal Day is the marked on the same day as Francis’ death. Many churches will be holding a ‘Blessing of the Animals’ service, often a cheerful riot of barking dogs, hissing cats, rats and mice in cages, even a stick insect, and horses tethered outside. Is there one in your area where you could take your pet to be blessed?
We should see Francis as a visionary and inspirer, who, impelled by the love of Christ, was able to give himself to, and draw others to, a life of service to the poor, care for the environment, and prayer. By the time he died, there were Franciscan friars over much of Europe. Today, inspired by his legacy, his followers – friars, sisters and lay people – are found all over the world.
Do you have a Rule of Life which you try to live by, one which honours God and seeks the best for humanity? How do you inspire those around you? How do you mark your care for God’s creation? You love your pets, but is it time to re-evaluate if you are doing the best by them?
One of Francis’ prayers asks God ‘to grant us the grace to do for You alone what we know You want us to do, and always to desire what pleases You.’ That could be a good rule of life, a star to live by; could you make it yours?
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Editor: The Revd Dr Jo White continues her series on aspects of Christianity.
Reflecting Faith: What's It Worth
Last time we reflected on the time of ‘Receiving and sharing the Peace’ within our service. This month, we consider what comes next.
I say ‘next’ but actually, during that time of sharing the Peace most of us multi-task! We move around saying hello and catching up on the latest news from folk we only see on a Sunday in church; we shake hands and say the words of ‘The Peace’; and we also scrabble around looking for cash to put on the plate or in the bag.
Our cash offering to the church is then processed up to the altar to be received by the priest who blesses it and prays over it. (Many years ago, when we were first able to give by standing order to the local church, I recall some people saying they would prefer to continue to give using cash, as the money in the bank was ‘not blessed’!)
In more recent years I have attended, and indeed been the incumbent for, churches where no plate or bag is passed around at this point but rather that folk are both encouraged to give by standing order or if by cash then on a plate or in a box as they enter the building.
Some churches today do not bring forward any financial collection, even if there is a plate on entering /leaving.
So what has changed?
It’s a reflection of our understanding of the real meaning behind the ‘collection’. A reversion to the original intention by the church fathers.
It was never intended to be just a small percentage of our possessions or the leftover cash we have lying around. Instead, it was intended to be an offering of our whole lives. The money was just a visible token.
This month
Have a think about what you are ‘offering’ when this time comes in your next church service. Are you able to offer yourself and put yourself to God’s use?
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October Crossword
Across
1 ‘“You — to insult God’s high priest?”’ (Acts 23) (4)
3 They were assigned to guard the tree of life (Genesis 3) (8)
9 ‘Elkanah son of Jeroham, the — of — , the son of Zuph’ (1 Samuel 1) (3,4)
10 Surrender (Joshua 24) (5)
11 Where American livestock can be reared (5)
12 Listen (anag.) (6)
14 Alternative name for Kiriath Jearim (2 Samuel 6) (6,2,5)
17 He founded Westminster Abbey, — the Confessor (6)
19 Hebrew word for the place of the dead (5)
22 Allies of Persia in the fifth century BC (Esther 1) (5)
23 Where John Wesley was forced to preach a lot (4,3)
24 Rebellion against God; abandonment of religious belief (8)
25 Note (anag.) (4)
Down
1 Give an account of (Mark 4) (8)
2 ‘I — — the path of your commands’ (Psalm 119) (3,2)
4 ‘The other — — and the carved image’ (Judges 18) (9,4)
5 ‘You are a chosen people, a — priesthood’ (1 Peter 2) (5)
6 The meek, the merciful and the mourners are all this (Matthew 5) (7)
7 Musical Instrument Digital Interface (1,1,1,1)
8 He was the son of Nun (Deuteronomy 34) (6)
13 ‘Let the little — come to me’ (Matthew 19) (8)
15 ‘About three thousand were — — their number that day’ (Acts 2) (5,2)
16 In John’s vision, the wall of the new Jerusalem was made of this (Revelation 21) (6)
18 And we eagerly — a Saviour from there, the Lord Jesus Christ’ (Philippians 3) (5)
20 ‘Glorify the Lord with me: let us — his name together’ (Psalm 34) (5)
21 Young Men’s Christian Association (1,1,1,1)
September Answers
ACROSS: 1, Labour. 4, Autumn. 7, Stay. 8, Darkness. 9, Reasoned. 13, Act. 16, Presbyterians. 17, Sat.
19, Ridicule. 24, Reproach. 25, Abib. 26, Celtic. 27, Intend.
DOWN:1,Lose.2,Blame rest.3,Radio.4,Agree.5,Tend.6,Music. 10, Sober. 11, Noted. 12, Doric. 13, Available.
14, Test. 15, Apes. 18, As Eve. 20, Isaac. 21, Ishvi. 22, Fret. 23, Ebed.
Winners P Warren
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October Anagrams
LONDON DEPARTMENT STORES
Rearrange these letters to form the names of ten well-known London department stores, present and past. Answers may consist of one, two
or three words.
1. DANS CREME PRANKS 2. ELDERS FIGS 3. SHAVE IN CHORLY 4. MANN OF NO MUSTARD 5. SHOW NIJEL
6. RASH DOR 7. SHARE FOUR FOES 8. BASH ME DEN 9. LILY RODBONNET 10. TABITHA
Compiled by Peter Warren
September Anagram Answers
DURHAM CATHEDRAL:
1. SANCTUARY KNOCKER 2. BISHOPS THRONE 3. GALILEE CHAPEL 4. THE VENERABLE BEDE
5. CLOISTERS 6. NEVILLE SCREEN 7. SAINT CUTHBERTS TOMB 8. MONKS DORMITORY
9. FROSTERLEY MARBLE 10. CHAPEL OF THE NINE ALTARS
Winner:
Send your answers with your name to the editors.
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October Sudoku
September Answer
Winner Jack Thompson
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Churches invited to pray for all affected by drought,
heatwaves and wildfires
British churches have been using prayers written for times of extreme weather.
As five successive heatwaves hit the UK this summer, bringing drought, extreme heat and wildfires, local churches have been helping the people affected, both through practical support – and prayers.
The prayers they used are found in A Time for Creation, a newly expanded C of E service book (Church House Publishing).
There is a section headlined ‘Prayers in times of extreme weather’ and ‘A prayer for the farming community in a time of crisis’, as well as intercessions for those affected by extreme weather through drought, lack of clean water, storms, flood, wildfires and other events.
The Bishop of Lichfield, Dr Michael Ipgrave, Chair of the Church of England’s Liturgical Commission, has encouraged churches to draw from the prayers.
He said that this continues “a longstanding tradition going back to the 1662 Book of Common Prayer”, which even includes a Prayer for Rain.
“For centuries, the people of England have turned to prayer in times of extreme weather of all sorts,” he said. “The prayer book asks that we may receive ‘in our necessity such moderate rain and showers’ as we need. Our prayers invite us to ask, to wait and to know the glory and awesomeness of God when they are answered.”
Meanwhile, the new Festival of Creation was launched last month (September) by the C of E. It sets out the Christian understanding of the environmental crises facing the world, rooting care for creation in the biblical story of creation, redemption and renewal.
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David Pickup, a solicitor, considers all those possible doors we can take
Enter Through the Narrow Door
22 Then Jesus went through the towns and villages, teaching as He made His way to Jerusalem. 23 Someone asked Him, “Lord, are only a few people going to be saved?” He said to them, 24 “Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to. (Luke 13)
I was waiting for Evensong to start and had got most things ready. I usually sit outside while I wait if it is nice. It was a very hot day and I wondered where everyone was. My seat was beside the south door and people normally trundle in past me, some early some just in time.
This Sunday I did not see anyone and I was getting worried. What I had forgotten was I had opened the west door and the north door to get a breeze blowing in. The congregation had all gone in those entrances.
We normally use the south door because that has a porch, notices and the smartest entrance. The west door is normally for brides and the north door rarely used at all. It has lots of steps going up and down.
Houses are similar. In many places the front door was hardly ever used except very special occasions and friends and family would go around the back because they knew mum would be in the kitchen, near the rear door.
What did our Lord mean “enter by the narrow door”? Perhaps walled cities had big gates and if you went in you would be seen by everyone, but authorities would check what your business was. It was the obvious way in but there would also be small secret doors which only locals knew. Perhaps they were short cuts or direct routes to the best places.
The easiest and obvious are not always the most direct, or best.
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Looking back on The Jarrow March
Ninety years ago, from 5th to 31st October, the Jarrow March took place. Some 200 men walked from Jarrow in north-east England to Westminster to draw attention to the severe unemployment and poverty in their area.
Because of the huge number of unemployed in the town, on the banks of the Tyne, the marchers felt compelled to do something dramatic to stir the government out of its apparent complacency. Their loss of Palmer’s shipyard two years previously had meant that a staggering 70 per cent of the town were jobless.
They called their walk of nearly 300 miles a Crusade, and they received widespread support from local political parties of all kinds on their way to London, and from the population generally.
Before they left, the mayor, Alderman J W Thompson, the town clerk, members of the town council, and their extremely supportive MP, Ellen Wilkinson, attended a service at Christ Church, in which all the clergymen and ministers of the town took part. The Bishop of Jarrow, Dr Geoffrey Gordon, gave a blessing.
But there was little official support from the Church at top level, who seemed to regard the Crusade as political and disruptive. Dr Gordon was in fact rebuked for this reason by his superior, the Bishop of Durham, the Rt Revd Hensley Henson.
However, the men walked for 25 days in a peaceful line, causing no trouble at all. Miss Wilkinson joined them for much of the journey. On reaching London, the 12,000-signature petition calling for the government to build more industries was presented to Parliament, but it was not debated.
Although the men from Jarrow, who returned home by train, undoubtedly regarded their Crusade as a failure, it did in fact effect change, leading up to the creation of the Welfare State after the war.
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The M25 motorway
Forty years ago, on 29th October 1986, the M25 motorway around Greater London was opened.
An orbital motorway for London had been proposed in 1944, but by 1966 this idea had evolved into two ringways, to the north and south. By the time the first sections opened in 1975, however, it had been rethought again, and so joining them together to make a full orbital motorway was again the plan.
Just over ten years later, in 1986, the final section was opened by Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, and the new M25 was the longest ring road in Europe. The Dartford Crossing is technically not a motorway, but few would know the difference.
Environmental considerations became a factor, and almost 40 public inquiries took place, the most controversial area being in Kent over the North Downs. However, none of the public inquiries came out in favour of objectors.
At first the M25 was popular with the public. In the 1987 General Election, the Conservatives won everywhere the motorway passed through. But problems quickly surfaced, the obvious one being chronic congestion.
Part of this was due to apparently unanticipated office and retail development along its route, generating in-and-out slower-moving traffic. Also, it was soon clear that more lanes were needed in many places: in some areas three had become five or six. Some churches even objected because it created a kind of stone wall between those congregations within and those without.
A report in The Economist said it “had taken 70 years to plan, 12 to build it and just one to find it was inadequate”.
The M25 is now well established and used in practice as an alternative boundary for Greater London, especially by haulage companies. If you ever get stuck in a traffic jam on the M25, it might help to remember that it was designed for a maximum of 88,000 vehicles a day, but instead carries at times up to 300,000 a day.
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By the Revd Roy Shaw, a retired but active priest in the diocese of York, where he is a spiritual director.
You’ve got the wrong person!
At church recently, we stood to sing Charles Wesley’s hymn ‘Come Holy Ghost our hearts inspire’. Except the organist was playing the tune which normally accompanies the Christmas carol ‘While shepherds watched their flocks by night’. (No, not ‘On Ilkley Moor bar t’aht’- the other one).
I had never sung Wesley’s hymn to this tune before, and it took a bit of believing that it was possible, a bit of getting used to. Some hymn tunes are what I call ‘portmanteau tunes’- we can sing a number of hymns to the same tune, and we are usually quite happy about it. But we mess with carols at our peril! Most people know them, and they have become identified with very particular hymn tunes. Give us what we expect, please, organist!
We can all be a bit fixed like this. The Bible is full of examples of ‘Who me? You’ve made a mistake there, God!’. Or it comes down to ‘Here I am, Lord, send him!’ Perhaps the most well-known example is Jonah, who was so convinced that God had made a mistake in calling him to go and tell the citizens of Nineveh to turn from their wicked ways, that he set off in entirely the opposite direction to Nineveh, and took a ship going west, until he was ambushed by God and ended up in the belly of the great fish. But once Jonah realised God was serious, and that God would be with him, he set off as God had asked him to.
Moses is another example. ‘Me, tell Pharoah to let my people go? Me? You cannot be serious, Lord!’ But again, once Moses was convinced that this was the way God wanted him to go, he submitted to God’s plan, and became the great leader of his people, bringing them out of slavery in Egypt to the boundary of the Promised Land.
God’s plans for us are always bigger than our horizons can presently accommodate. If you have a niggling feeling God is calling you to a particular task, or to abandon a particular something, it may take time to come round to God’s point of view, but it will ultimately turn out to be a better way. When God calls, He does not leave us at that point; He will always resource us for the task, often in surprising ways.
‘Who, me, Lord?’ Yes, YOU!’
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23rd Psalm for the Workplace
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Editor: The Revd Dr Gary Bowness continues his tongue-in-cheek letters from ‘Uncle Eustace’…
The Rectory
St James the Least of All
My dear Nephew Darren
I am afraid we will never agree about the appropriate length of sermons. Your 50-minute exposition on the theology of St Paul concerning women wearing hats in church is, I am sure, of real interest to you. But as your sermon slowly unfolds, I suspect it will prompt quite a different concern among your congregation. Have they set the oven timer to come on too early?
Whenever I even hint that a matter of theological importance may be about to appear in one of my sermons, an expression of benign incomprehension comes over my congregation. You know the look – you see it on golden Labradors whenever they try and work out what their owners are telling them.
There are certain sure signs that should warn you when you have preached for long enough. One is when members of the congregation reach for their prayer books to try to work out for the umpteenth time how the date for Easter is calculated. The organist turning on the blower when you say “and finally” is another.
Most members of the congregation will count the number of dead flies on the windowsills during your sermon. But when you can see members of the congregation counting the numbers in the congregation counting the numbers of dead flies, that is absolute proof that it is time to stop.
There has only been one occasion when I preached for longer than my standard eight minutes. Our former organist was in the habit of taking his dog for a walk during the sermon. I knew I had to carry on preaching until I heard the latch on the vestry door for the second time. That meant he was back, and ready to play the last hymn. Unfortunately, one Sunday, his dog ran away.
While he searched for it over every field in the parish, I spent the intervening two hours reading the greater part of Leviticus, discussing the food laws set forth in Deuteronomy, and arguing for a Deutero-Isaiah. I was headed for the Babylonian exile when we all heard the vestry door re-open.
After the Service, the congregation left looking as though they had just been rescued from a major shipwreck. And at the next church council meeting, we unanimously voted to buy our organist a stronger lead.
Your loving uncle,
Eustace
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Canon Paul Hardingham continues his series on the books of the Bible.
What’s the Big Idea?
An Introduction to the Minor Prophets
The Minor Prophets are ‘minor’ not because they lack importance, but due to their length. The 12 prophets, Hosea through Malachi, make up the last books of the Old Testament, and were written from around 770 BC (Jonah) until 433 BC (Malachi).
The prophets fall into 3 time-periods:
Hosea, Joel, Amos, Obadiah, Jonah, Micah and Nahum = Assyrian period
Habakkuk and Zephaniah = Babylonian period
Haggai, Zechariah and Malachi = Post-exilic period.
Hosea and Amos spoke to Israel (Northern Kingdom), calling the people to acknowledge their sin and return to God. Joel and Micah addressed Judah (Southern Kingdom), including prophesies about the coming of the Messiah and the church. Habakkuk and Zephaniah spoke to Judah shortly before they were taken into exile into Babylon. Obadiah spoke God’s judgment against the Edomites, while Jonah and Nahum both spoke against Assyria and their capital city of Ninevah. Following the people’s return from exile, Haggai exhorted the people not to neglect rebuilding the Temple. Zechariah encouraged them with the promise of the future glory of Zion and of its shepherd king, while Malachi reminded them that if he is rejected, God would judge His people.
The minor prophets remind us that God cared not just for the Jews, but also for the Edomites, Assyrians, Egyptians and all of His creation.
For Christians today the challenge remains to take the message of God’s grace to all nations in the power of the Holy Spirit: ‘I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions. Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days.’ (Joel 2:28, 29)
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The Revd Paul Hardingham considers our earth.
Season of Creation
In the church year the Season of Creation (September 1st – October 4th) is an opportunity for us to reflect on our responsibility to care for the planet. As the season draws to an end for this year, have you considered:
The world is not ours:
‘The earth is the Lord’s and everything in it’ (Psalm 24:1). The world is not ours, but God’s! This means we have a responsibility of caring for God’s world: ‘The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.’ (Genesis 2:15). Clearly, we have not done the best job! The effects of global warming have been all too obvious this summer. And 2025 ranked as the third warmest year on record globally, 1.3°C to 1.44°C above pre-industrial levels. This follows the historic peak in 2024, driven by ongoing fossil fuel emissions and high ocean surface temperatures.
Our hope is found in Jesus:
Any hope for the future lies in Jesus Himself. He is the one who sustains creation and will bring everything to completion: ‘all things have been created through Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.’(Colossians 1:16,17). God’s plan is ‘to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.’ (Ephesians 1:10). We can look forward to the climax of history when God through Christ will restore our broken world and make everything new.
In the present, we are empowered by Christ to take our proper place as stewards of the earth. Simple everyday actions can help to sustain our planet, including recycling of waste, energy saving, choosing reusable options, careful diet and a commitment to simple living can help the planet.
However difficult the climate crisis gets, as Christians, we can engage it with faith and not fatalism!
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Why AI is far from divine…
I wrote an email to my local councillor – and within three minutes received back a detailed reply summarising my concerns and promising action. A stunningly quick response.
I was impressed, and grateful for the speedy reaction.
But then a thought came to me. Had this helpful, swift, reply perhaps been written, not by my councillor, but by Artificial Intelligence (AI)?
And, if so, did it really matter?
It’s hard to say, but it flagged up to me how AI is becoming such a key part of our lives, and often in ways that we take for granted. Like the algorithms that choose what we might like to watch next on TV or read on holiday.
Churches aren’t immune to AI’s increasing popularity. Pope Leo has advised his priests not to use it to write their sermons.
He told them, “Like all the muscles in the body, if we do not use them, if we do not move them, they die. The brain needs to be used, so our intelligence must also be exercised a little so as not to lose capacity.”
To give a true sermon, the Pope explained, “is to share faith,” something AI would never be able to do.
He advised preachers, “people want to see your faith, your experience of having known and loved Jesus Christ.”
That is so true. A sermon should be preached for that congregation, in that place, at that specific point in time, and be delivered by a preacher who has opened themselves to hear from God as they prepared their message
AI is not human. It’s been designed to trick users into thinking it has a personality and maybe opinions of its own. It will never know pain, hunger, disappointment or grief, or a whole range of other human emotions.
And these are the emotions God experienced, living on earth as Jesus Christ. God with us, living and dying as we do. The Almighty came to live among us as human flesh, and not as computer code. Fully God, fully man.
Christ lived, and died, in frail human flesh, and rose from death, underlining the sacred value of every human being.
AI falls far short of that value, no matter how closely it can mimic human personality.
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How Tyndale affects what you say – today
It is 500 years since William Tyndale printed the very first English translation of the New Testament.
And hundreds of millions of people today are still quoting him, though they don’t know it. For in 1526 Tyndale invented what would become some of the most famous idioms in the English-speaking world.
For instance –
“The salt of the earth”; “Go the extra mile”; “The powers that be”; “Eat, drink and be merry”; “A city on a hill”; “The apple of his eye”; “In the twinkling of an eye”; “Signs of the times”; “My brother’s keeper”; “Fight the good fight”; “Broken-hearted”; “Fallen flat on his face.
These phrases were all invented by Tyndale, during his translation from the original Greek of the New Testament.
As a young Catholic priest in England, Tyndale had been inspired by Martin Luther’s groundbreaking translation of the Bible into German, and he went to work doing the same for English speakers. No wonder that the Bible Society describes Tyndale as a ‘background radical’ during Henry VIII’s reign (he’s mentioned in Wolf Hall but doesn’t get involved in the action).
Tyndale invented words, too, when he couldn’t find a direct English equivalent for a Greek or Hebrew concept. Here are just some:
Scapegoat: To describe the goat burdened with the sins of the people and sent into the wilderness.
Atonement: Literally “at-one-ment”, created to describe being at one with God.
Passover: Coined to describe the Jewish holiday where the angel of death passed over the homes of the Israelites.
Busybody: Invented to describe someone who meddles in other people’s business.
Tyndale’s work has survived multiple revisions of the Bible down the centuries. It is found in the Authorised Version of the Bible, the RSV, the ASV or the ESV, among others.
More at Bible Society’s website: 
https://www.biblesociety.org.uk Just type ‘Tyndale’ into its ‘search’ box.
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Why it is easy to break the law in your own garden
You would be forgiven for thinking that tidying up your own garden is about the most harmless thing you can do. But – beware – there are a few things which may bite back!
Pruning trees is a necessary job. But any tree with a TPO (Tree Preservation Order) on it can be downright scary: legally, you need permission from your local council to carry out any work on one, or you may face fines up to £20,000.
Then there is the tree that grows in your neighbour’s garden, but which has branches jutting into your garden. What do you do with it? What can you do it? The law says you are not allowed to cross into their garden to take any action. But if their overhanging branches are causing an issue in your garden, you are allowed to cut them back to the point at which they cross your boundary line. But – wait for it – the branches that you have cut off are not yours – they must be given to the neighbour, if they want them. Otherwise, it is your responsibility to dispose of them.
As for any fallen fruit from the overhanging branches from the tree in your neighbour’s garden? The law says that it is still their fruit, and you must offer to bring it around to them if they want it. But bizarrely, you cannot simply throw it over the fence, or they could ‘do’ you for littering or even fly-tipping! And without their permission, you must not eat the fruit of their tree, because it is a criminal offence under the Theft Act 1968, Sections 1-6.
As for your hedge? Be careful of it between March and August, as the RSPB (Royal Society for the Protection of Birds) warns that “It is an offence under Section 1 of the Wildlife and Countryside Act of 1981 to intentionally take, damage or destroy the nest of any wild bird while it is in use or being built, or to intentionally kill, injure or take chicks or adults, or intentionally take or destroy any eggs.”
After all that, you may decide it is safest to sit in the shade with a drink and a good book…
This is just a light-hearted look at things, and before you get into any difficulty with your garden or neighbour, please consult a professional for help.
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May God grant you courage – message of solidarity with the people of Ukraine
The Bishop of Worcester, Hugh Nelson, who is the C of E’s Bishop to the Armed Forces, recently went to Kyiv to join Ukrainian church leaders, other religious leaders and government officials at the National Prayer Breakfast in Kyiv. Bishop Hugh also met with the leader of the Orthodox Church of Ukraine, His Beatitude Metropolitan Epiphany.
Bishop Hugh brought a message from the Archbishop of Canterbury, Sarah Mullally. She promised that the Anglican Church would continue to “stand in prayerful solidarity” with Ukraine, and she acknowledged the “immense sacrifices” which the Ukrainians are making “in defence of your country, its people and the values of freedom and human dignity”.
Archbishop Sarah also commended Ukraine’s constitutional commitments to freedom of religion and conscience. She rejected the language of “holy war” used to justify the attempts to occupy and subjugate Ukraine by the current regime in Moscow.
“We pray for those who have lost their lives, for those who mourn, for the wounded, the displaced, and all who live under the daily shadow of violence and fear. May the peace of Christ, which surpasses all understanding, guard your hearts and minds in the days ahead.”
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Be thankful for grandparents
Everyone seems to have their ‘special day’ these days, and this month brings us
Grandparents’ Day, on the 4th October.
If your grandchildren are still young, why not keep at your house:
- A dressing up box – of fairytale clothes, plastic crowns and cardboard swords. These will keep them busy for hours. Charity shops can be a great source of cheap costumes – and also tablecloths/sheets that can be turned into costumes. (Or you can help the church by getting to work on some early nativity costumes!)
- A craft supply box – egg boxes, old magazines full of pictures, cardboard, cardboard tubes, a bit of glue, bits of ribbon and wool, some paper and scissors can work wonders.
- Colouring supplies – crayons and any kind of paper – even the back of envelopes – will do fine.
If all else fails, you can always sit down for a rest and let them play ‘musical statues’, where the only rule is that whenever the music stops, they must ‘freeze’ in position.
There are lots of resources you can download for the special day – just go to: http://www.activityvillage.co.uk/grandparents-day
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Which milk do you buy?
Once upon a time there was just milk. Now our supermarket shelves are packed with dairy (whole, semi-skimmed, fat-free) and also plant-based alternatives: oat, almond, soya, coconut, and pea.
Which is the best? The amount of protein, sugars, fat and vitamins in each vary a great deal. No wonder that, according to Mintel’s UK recent market report, nearly half of us struggle to decide. Here are some facts to consider:
According to nutritionists, the best all-rounder is semi-skimmed cow’s milk. This is because dairy milk contains all nine essential amino acids and has the most protein.
Or, if you are dairy-free, try fortified soya milk or pea drinks for reasonable levels of protein.
As for the others, they vary in nutrients, but:
Oat milk is popular but contains very little protein.
Almond milk is popular and low in calories, but again, has very little protein.
Coconut milk has hardly any protein at all.
Rice milk has almost zero protein.
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Be nice to your knees
Osteoarthritis is the main cause of knee pain in people over 50. Here are some tips that may help:
Be aware of the several major groups of muscles that support your knees. They include the quadriceps at the side and front of your thighs, the hamstrings at the back, and your calf muscles. If you can give these muscles regular exercise that keeps them strong, they will help protect your knees.
Be aware that your knees like and need to move. Using them less is one of the worst things you can do, because it only weakens them. If you have bad osteoarthritis, then ask your doctor for alternative ways of exercising them, instead of walking.
Be aware that knees do better when you lose weight. Just losing one kg of body weight will bring down the compressive force on your knees by as much as 4kg with each step. That will help preserve your knee cartilage.
It seems that doctors disagree over the value of taking supplements such as glucosamine or turmeric, but they say that if you find they work for you, then certainly keep taking them.
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Community trust takes over ownership of Brechin Cathedral
The Church of Scotland has transferred ownership of 800-year-old Brechin Cathedral in Angus to the Brechin Cathedral Trust, which will ensure that the building “continues to be the beating heart of the community”.
The A-listed cathedral has an iconic Irish-style Round Tower, only one of two in Scotland, which was built around 1100 and originally stood apart from the building until the 1800s.
Inside are a collection of beautifully carved Pictish stones and stunning stained-glass windows regarded as some of the finest in Scotland.
Brechin Cathedral ceased to be a regular place of worship in November 2021 following the dissolution of the congregation, which had become too small to shoulder the burden of the enormous costs of maintaining a sizable medieval cathedral.
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David Pickup, a solicitor, offers some advice about committees…
Think twice before you join that committee
People involved in church or village life are often asked to join committees or to help run things. These include trusts and charities, being a PCC member, school governors and hospital managers, village hall groups and I suppose judging bonny baby competitions.
These community positions are vital for the good of everyone, but unfortunately not many people are prepared to give up their evenings or weekends to go to long meetings in draughty halls.
If you are invited to join a group like this, what questions should you ask?
Why were you asked? What do they think you can contribute? If you are in a job, are they expecting you to do work for them for nothing?
Do you have the time to do the job? People on committees tend to be asked to join other committees, and so it is easy to get overloaded. Are the meetings at a time convenient to you?
What risks are there? Does the group have liability insurance to protect members against claims?
What are the finances like? Are the records up to date? Do they have budgets and accounts they can show you?
Good advice would be to ask to go to a meeting, before you commit yourself. You can soon find out if the place is well run and people get on with each other. Ask to look at the insurance documents, constitution and accounts.
If the answers to these questions are negative, it does not necessarily mean you should not join. If the finances are in a mess, perhaps you can help. If they say they had a constitution when the charity was set up in 1879 but no-one knows where it is now, then perhaps it can be found again. Most people get a lot out of contributing to society in this way. You learn more and meet interesting people, although you may wish to draw the line at bonny baby judging!
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100 years of Winnie-the-Pooh
One hundred years ago, on 14th October 1926, the children’s book Winnie-the-Pooh, by A A Milne, was published.
It was set in the Hundred Acre Wood, an innocent world described as “largely Edenic” but based on Ashdown Forest in East Sussex, which the Milne family often explored from their home in nearby Hartfield. It came about through the encouragement of E H Shepard, Milne’s colleague on the humorous magazine Punch, who provided the beguiling illustrations.
Alan Alexander Milne was firstly a playwright and occasional mystery story writer who, again with Shepard, wrote the book of children’s verse When We Were Very Young, which contained the seeds of Winnie-the-Pooh and its sequel, The House on Pooh Corner, all of which proved extremely popular.
It was apparently during a family visit to London Zoo, where Christopher Robin encountered a tame bear called Winnipeg, that the book was conceived. Winnie’s literary friends, such as Piglet and Eeyore, were originally toys of the real Christopher Robin.
Sadly, the book eventually had an adverse effect on the Milne family. The author said that he felt “amazement and disgust” at the fame his son had had thrust upon him: “I do not want C R Milne to ever wish that his name was Charles Robert.” Nevertheless, the son did become estranged from his parents, especially following his marriage to his mother’s niece.
The effect of the book on others has been happier. A plaque at Ashdown Forest declares that Milne and Shepard “captured the magic of Ashdown Forest and gave it to the world”.
Despite creating a kind of Eden, Milne, who was a pacifist, said little about religion. But he did say on joining the Home Guard that “in fighting Hitler we are truly fighting the Devil, the Anti-Christ … Hitler was a crusader against God.”
The four Winnie-the-Pooh books went on to sell more than 50 million copies worldwide. The first book became the first-ever foreign-language book on the New York Times bestseller list.
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Book Review
Money and the Gospel - giving money with grace, handling money with integrity.
By Christopher Wright and John Stott, 10Publishing, £5.15
Generosity is part of the Christian life. And the money we give should be looked after with integrity. The Apostle Paul teaches on both these aspects of handling money.
Here John Stott looks at the Apostle Paul’s teaching (1 Corinthians 16 and 2 Corinthians 8,9) on Christian giving. How do we decide what to give? Is it ever right for our giving to go down, if circumstances change?
And what about the money that the church is given for general use, or for a giving appeal or building project? Chris Wright considers the Apostle’s teaching on how to handle money with integrity and transparency.
This is a helpful guidebook for any Christian who gives, and above all, for anyone dealing with church funds.
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All in the month of October
It was:
800 years ago, on 3rd October 1226 that St Francis of Assisi, Italian friar, deacon and mystic, died. One of the most venerated religious figures in Christianity, and founder of the Franciscan Order.
300 years ago, on 28th October 1726 that Jonathan Swift’s novel Gulliver’s Travels was published.
175 years ago, on 18th October 1851 that Herman Melville’s novel Moby-Dick was published.
125 years ago, on 12th October 1901 that US President Theodore Roosevelt renamed the Executive Mansion the White House. It is the official residence and workplace of the US President.
Also 125 years ago, on 19th October 1901 that Edward Elgar’s Pomp and Circumstance March No. 1 and March No. 2were performed for the first time, in Liverpool.
100 years ago, on 14th October 1926 that the children’s book Winnie-the-Pooh, by A A Milne, was published.
90 years ago, from 5th to 31st October that The Jarrow March took place. 200 men set off from Jarrow in north-east England to Westminster, to draw attention to the severe unemployment and poverty in their area following the closure of a shipyard.
80 years ago, on 15th October 1946 that Hermann Goering, German Nazi leader, died. He was sentenced to death at the Nuremberg Trials but poisoned himself with cyanide on the eve of his execution.
Also 80 years ago, on 20th October 1946 that the puppet character Muffin the Mule made his first TV appearance on the BBC series For the Children.
75 years ago, on 18th October 1951 that Snowdonia National Park was established in Wales. It was Britain’s third National Park.
Also 75 years ago, on 30th October 1951 that Dartmoor National Park was established in the UK.
Also 75 years ago, on 31st October 1951 that zebra crossings were introduced in Britain. The first one was in Slough, Berkshire.
70 years ago, on 17th October 1956 that Britain’s first nuclear power station, Calder Hall in Cumbria, was officially opened. It closed in March 2003, nearly 47 years later.
Also 70 years ago, on 23rd October to 10th November 1956 that the Hungarian Revolution began and was crushed by the Soviet Union.
65 years ago, on 6th October 1961 that US President John F Kennedy advised Americans to build bomb shelters to protect themselves from nuclear fallout, in the event of an attack by the Soviet Union.
60 years ago, on 21st October 1966 that the Aberfan disaster took place in South Wales. A colliery spoil tip (slag heap) collapsed and fell onto the village. Worst hit was Pantglas Junior School. In all, 116 children and 28 adults were killed.
50 years ago, on 4th October 1976 that the InterCity 125 High Speed Train service began operating in the UK.
Also 50 years ago, on 25th October 1976 that the National Theatre in London officially opened.
40 years ago, on 9th October 1986 that Andrew Lloyd Webber’s musical The Phantom of the Opera premiered in London.
Also 40 years ago, on 29th October 1986 that the M25 orbital motorway around Greater London was opened.
15 years ago, on 31st October 2011 that the world’s population reached seven billion.
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Smile Lines
God is here
When our minister and his wife visited our neighbour, her four-year-old daughter answered the door. “Mum!” she yelled toward the living room. “God’s here, and He brought His girlfriend.”
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Book the date
Our new curate was very eager to please. When I asked if I could have a church service when I eventually die, he responded with enthusiasm. “Of course,” he said, grabbing his date book. “What day do you want?”
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The cow and the Bible
A religious farmer lost his Bible out in the field. A few days later he went to answer a noise at his door. Standing there was a cow, with his Bible in its mouth. The farmer raised his eyes to heaven and thanked the Lord for this miracle. “It’s not really,” said the cow. “Your name was written inside.”
**
Shampoo
Why I didn’t realise this sooner? It’s the shampoo I use in the shower that is my problem. When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning: ‘FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY.’ No wonder I have been gaining weight.
**
Genesis for Cats
On the first day of Creation, God created the cat.
On the second day, God created man to serve the cat.
On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth to serve as food for the cat.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labour for the good of the cat.
On the fifth day, God created expensive furniture so that the cat would have objects whereon to sharpen its claws.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the cat healthy and the man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but the litterbox needed changing.
**
Music
The symphony musicians had little confidence in the man brought in to be their new conductor. Their fears were realized at the very first rehearsal. The cymbalist, realising that the conductor did not know what he was doing, angrily clashed his instruments together during a delicate, soft passage. The music stopped. The conductor, highly agitated, looked angrily around the orchestra, demanding, “Who did that? Who did that?”
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Others
If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
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Broad
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
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The glass
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
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Accident
As my five-year-old son and I were heading to McDonald’s one day, we passed a car accident. Usually when we see something terrible like that, we say a prayer for whoever might be hurt, so I pointed and said to my son, “We should pray.”
From the back seat I heard his earnest voice: “Dear God, please don’t let those cars block the entrance to McDonald’s.”
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Dreams
Realise your dream! Unless it’s the one where you’re at work in your underwear during a fire drill.
**
There are three religious truths:
Jews do not recognise Jesus as the Messiah.
Protestants do not recognise the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
Baptists and Methodists do not recognise each other in the off license.
I said, “Great. What are they? I’ll grab a pen.”
**
Stories
As part of his talk at a banquet, our minister told some jokes and a few funny stories. Since he planned to use the same anecdotes at a meeting the next day, he asked reporters covering the event not to include them in their articles. Reading the paper the following morning, he noticed that one well-meaning cub reporter had ended his story on the banquet with the observation: “The minister told a number of stories that cannot be published.”
**
Sticks
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it’s called golf.
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The Perfect Minister
When looking for a new minister, it may be helpful to bear the following in mind:
The Perfect Minister preaches exactly 10 minutes. He condemns sin roundly but never hurts anyone’s feelings. He works from 8 am until midnight and is also the church handyman.
The Perfect Minister lives on a very small salary, wears good clothes, drives a good car, buys good books, and donates £30 a week to the church. He is 29 years old and has 40 years’ worth of experience. Above all, he is handsome.
The Perfect Minister has a burning desire to work with teenagers, and he spends most of his time with the senior citizens. He smiles all the time with a straight face because he has a sense of humour that keeps him seriously dedicated to his church. He makes 15 home visits a day and is always in his office to be on hand when needed.
The Perfect Minister always has time for all our church meetings. And he is always busy evangelising the unchurched. He also spends hours preparing couples for their weddings, hours preparing parents for their baby’s baptism, and hours visiting the bereaved. But his life is dedicated to solitude, prayer and meditation.
The Perfect Minister is always in the next town over! So, if you think that our minister does not measure up, it has been suggested that we simply send this notice to six other churches who would like to try a new minister. The idea is that we bundle up our minister and send him to the church at the top of our list. If everyone cooperates, in one week we will receive 1,643 new ministers. One of them should be perfect. Have faith in this plan. One church broke the chain and got its old minister back in less than three months.
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Sides
It was my wedding day, and no one was happier than my mother. But as she approached the church doors, an usher asked, “Which side are you on?”
“Oh, no,” she said, dismayed. “Are they fighting already?”
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Scammer
I got a call from a scammer who said, “I’ve got all of your passwords.”
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Doors
My granddad always said, “Where one door closes, another door opens.” Lovely man. Terrible joiner.
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Pastors
What do they call pastors in Germany?
German Shepherds.
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Miscellaneous observations on daily life
At my age I have given up on health foods; I need all the preservatives I can get.
Ever feel like life is a car wash and you’re on a bicycle?
It’s good to have self-confidence. It’s even better to have a reason for it.
You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.
Blessed are the flexible people, for they don’t mind when the demands of family and work ties them in knots.
If God had wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. (Mel Brooks)
My favourite childhood memory is having energy.
My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, three of them are frozen and I have no clue where the music is coming from.
It’s weird being the same age as old people.
I like to make a shopping list. I like to guess what’s in it when I get to the store and discover I left it at home.
**
Bats on the wing
Two bats went for their midnight feed. After an hour or so, one bat got tired of looking and went home with no blood. Later the other bat came back, with blood dripping from its mouth. The first bat said enviously, “Where did you get all that blood from?”
The second bat replied “Follow me. I’ll show you.” He led the first one to a cave and said: “You see that wall over there?”
The hungry bat excitedly says, “Yes!”
The other bat said, “I didn’t.”
**
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The views expressed in this magazine are those of the contributors and do not necessarily reflect those of St Mary's, it's clergy, the Church of England
or the Editors.