Text Link
Paul Hardingham continues his new series.
What’s the Big Idea? An Introduction to the Books of the Old Testament:
1 and 2 Samuel.
1 and 2 Samuel was originally a single work, which focuses on Samuel, Saul and David, around 1,000 BC, mid-way between Abraham and Jesus. It was Samuel who established the monarchy in Israel after the period of the judges. He was commanded by God to give the people a king, although their request is seen as a rejection of God’s rule over Israel (8:7).
The people simply wanted to be like other nations, however their king was still subject to God’s law and the word of the prophet. Although Samuel anointed Saul, he soon showed an unwillingness to submit to these requirements, leading to his rejection as king (15:23). God chose David as Saul’s successor, and 1 Samuel depicts David’s years of waiting until the right time arrived to claim the throne.
2 Samuel depicts David’s rule, in which the nation prospers and its enemies are defeated. The promise of the perfect king is fulfilled in Jesus Himself, as David’s descendant. The second half of the book depicts the darker side of David’s reign, describing his weaknesses and failures, including his adultery with Bathsheba and the rebellion of his son Absalom.
Nevertheless, David remained a man after God’s own heart: ‘The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.’ (1 Samuel 16:7). The characters in this book are not always great examples of faith, however, ‘They do not show us how we should live but how in fact we do live, authenticating the reality of our daily experience as the stuff that God uses to work his purposes of salvation in us and in the world.’ (Eugene Peterson).
__________________________________________________
Prospect of winter energy bills causing anxiety for millions, says Archbishop of York
Millions are looking ahead to this winter with ‘fear and anxiety’ about the cost of heating their homes, the Archbishop of York has said as he backed the recent launch of a campaign to provide a network of warm spaces for people who struggle to pay their energy bills.
Archbishop Stephen Cottrell is encouraging churches to consider getting involved in the Warm Welcome campaign, a network of venues from community centres to churches providing warm spaces over the winter for people struggling to heat their homes
.
Archbishop Stephen said: “Sadly, what began as a cost-of-living crisis has simply become the new normal for many.
“Millions of people will look ahead to this winter with fear and anxiety, wondering how they are going to cope with high living costs. That is why I am proud to endorse the Warm Welcome campaign this winter.
“But a warm welcome isn’t only about the temperature. It is about kindness and community, giving people the chance to be seen and known, to belong and to be part of something. It is about celebrating the God-given value and dignity of every single person, finding hope and community together. But of course, none of that will happen if people are cold.”
The Warm Welcome campaign is led by a coalition of over 50 charitable organisations who joined together in response to the cost of living crisis to provide emergency support to communities struggling to pay for rising food costs and to heat their homes.
_____________________________________________________________
Click to edit text. What do visitors to your website need to know about you and your business?
The mysterious ways of mistletoe
Mistletoe has long been used as part of our Christmas decorations. It is not your usual kind of plant.
Instead, it is hemiparasitic, meaning that although its leaves enable it to feed itself through photosynthesis, its roots invade the host tree or shrub to extract water and other nutrients
.
Mistletoe loves living in apple, lime, hawthorn, poplar or oak trees. You may spot it high up, as a large globe, on the bare trees in winter. There is one spectacular example in Windsor Great Park, clearly visible from the path on the opposite side of the Thames
.
Mistletoe’s berries are almost translucent, fleshy and sticky. They form in the forks of mistletoe’s many branches. While they are toxic to humans, they are attractive to birds, who wipe the remaining seeds off their beaks onto the nearest branch, which of course helps the plant to spread.
For some reason, Romans thought mistletoe represented Peace, Love and Understanding. Perhaps that is how it got into our Christmas celebrations? The earliest documentary evidence for kissing under mistletoe dates from the 16th century, but we don’t know who got kissed first.
_____________________________________________________________
Doctor Livingstone, I presume?
It was 150 years ago, on 10th November 1871, that Welsh journalist and explorer Henry Morton Stanley located the missing missionary Dr David Livingstone near Lake Tanganyika, in present-day Tanzania. He may or may not have greeted him with the words: “Doctor Livingstone, I presume?”
Stanley’s real name was John Rowlands. He was born in Denbigh to an unmarried 18-year-old who abandoned him. He ended up in a workhouse until he was 15, then went to America, where he changed his name and became an American citizen. When he found Livingstone, he was working for the New York Herald.
Known for his strength of will, Stanley also had an African name – Bula Matari – Breaker of Rocks. Much of his life was spent in Central Africa, and his reputation was mixed: he was said by some to be violent toward Africans, but by others to have treated them well. His feats as an explorer were impressive: he played a big part in locating the true source of both the Nile and the Congo, and he helped open up the Congo on behalf of King Leopold of Belgium.
Though not overtly religious, he felt he was engaged in a “sacred task”. He was re-naturalised a British subject in 1892, following his marriage.
_______________________________________________________________
All in the month of March
It was:
300 years ago, on 8th March 1723 that Sir Christopher Wren, English architect, died. Best known for designing St Paul’s Cathedral.
125 years ago, on 16th March 1898 that Aubrey Beardsley, British illustrator, died. His black ink drawings, influenced by Japanese woodcuts, contributed to the development of Art Nouveau.
100 years ago, on 4th March 1923 that Patrick Moore, the amateur astronomer, TV presenter, writer and musician was born. Best known for presenting the TV astronomy show The Sky at Night for over 50 years. (Died 2012)
80 years ago, on 13th March 1943 that the final liquidation of Krakow Ghetto in Poland took place. 8,000 Jews were transported to Plaszow labour camp, 2000 more were simply killed in the streets, and the rest were sent to Auschwitz.
70 years ago, on 19th March 1953 that the Academy Awards ceremony (the Oscars) were televised for the first time.
Also 70 years ago, on 26th March 1953 that Dr Jonas Salk announced that he had completed the first small-scale test of a polio vaccine. Larger tests began in February 1954, and mass vaccinations began in April 1955.
65 years ago, on 2nd March 1958 that the first land crossing of Antarctica was completed by the Commonwealth Trans-Antarctic Expedition, led by Vivian Fuchs. The team of 12 men travelled 2,158 miles from Shackleton Base to Scott Base (via the South Pole) in 99 days, using six vehicles.
60 years ago, on 22nd March 1963 that the British Secretary of State for War, John Profumo, made a statement in the House of Commons in which he denied there was any impropriety in his relationship with Christine Keeler, a model who was also in a sexual relationship with a drug dealer and a Soviet naval attaché. (In June he admitted he had lied, and resigned.)
50 years ago, on 8th March 1973 that the citizens of Northern Ireland voted in a referendum to remain within the United Kingdom. That same day the IRA carried out its first bombing in Britain since WWII, planting car bombs in London. One person died, 200 were injured.
40 years ago, on 6th March 1983 that Donald Maclean, British-born Soviet spy died. He was a member of the Cambridge Spy Ring.
Also 40 years ago, on 26th March 1983, that Anthony Blunt, British art historian and Soviet spy, died.
25 years ago, on 16th March 1998 that Rwanda began mass trials for the country’s 1994 genocide. There were 125,000 suspects for 500,000 murders.
20 years ago, on 1st March 2003 that Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the al-Qaeda terrorist who masterminded the 9/11 attacks on the USA, was captured in Pakistan.
Also 20 years ago, on 12th March 2003 that the World Health Organisation issued a global alert about a severe form of pneumonia (now known as Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome – SARS) that was affecting people in China, Hong Kong and Vietnam.
_________________________________________________________________
Isherwood Hall. (The original hall)
Tables and chairs are available.
Click to edit block quote. What quote or client recommendation really sums up your business? 
February 2025 Magazine
We As always thanks to all who have contacted us and sent us comments and articles for inclusion. Please keep in touch and send us things.
Pauline & Bob - co-editors..
Updated 1st February 2025
_________________________________________________________
Dear Friends,
Norma
___________________________________________________
Letter from Devon
_______________________________________________
Lambeth Palace makes statement on Archbishop and Living in Love and Faith
___________________________________________________
Teaching the Lord’s Prayer across the North of England
_____________________________________________________
February Diary Page
Holy Communion service each Sunday at 9.00am (Said BCP service)
Sung Eucharist each Sunday at 10.00am (Common Worship)
Holy Communion each Tuesday at 10.00am (Said BCP service)
Said Evening Prayer each Sunday at 6.30pm.
BIBLE STUDY (via ZOOM) EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 7pm DURING TERM TIME.
PRAYER MEETING FIRST MONDAY IN THE MONTH 7pm IN CHURCH
____________________________________________________________________
CHRISTINGLE SERVICE
____________________________________________________
FESTIVE COFFEE MORNING
______________________________________________________
St Mary’s Garden and Church tidy group
Barry Lomas
______________________________________________
The Ven John Barton considers the Christmas story …
No Room? On the Contrary
________________________________________________________
by Tim Lenton
Sol Invictus, Emperors and how Christmas began
________________________________________________________
By the Revd Paul Hardingham.
The Challenges of Christmas
___________________________________________
Church of England and Methodist Church recommit as Covenant turns 21
_________________________________________________
Archbishop of Canterbury warns against legalising assisted suicide
_____________________________________________________
Canon David Winter reflects on the coming of Jesus…
The most beautiful story
______________________________________________
The Revd Dr Jo White considers the visual impact of church buildings.
Reflecting Faith: Church Buildings.
We have been thinking about different aspects of church buildings. But what about ‘the whole thing’? – the impression you have when you first see a church building?
Most of us have visited many church buildings, either to worship or as a tourist: to enjoy the splendour, the colours, the style and the architecture, with or without necessarily a time of prayer or worship.
There are some amazingly staggering designs around the world – one only has to think of the complex and intricate stone carving of Gaudi’s catholic basilica in Barcelona, Spain (due to be completed next year!) and then compare that to the sleekness of the Lutheran (Church of Iceland) parish church in Reykjavík, Iceland.
How about the grandeur of St Peter’s in Rome, full of baroque gold and rich colours? Or what about St Basil’s Cathedral in Red Square, Moscow – now a museum but topped with amazingly coloured onion domes?
Just looking at the outside of a building tells you a lot about what it is likely to be like inside, the purpose of the building and the style of worship to expect there.
It’s not just about the condition of the fabric, or the tidiness of the grounds but rather the architecture itself.
When we see a contemporary modern building, we will expect the worship to match it: whether that is Protestant, Catholic or any other denomination.
This month
If you were designing a brand-new church building today, what would you put into it and therefore what would the exterior look like? What would you want on the outside, to express your faith? Would you include any specific Christian symbols, or be more all-encompassing?
_________________________________________________
Canon Paul Hardingham continues a new series which will run until 2025.
What’s the Big Idea? – An Introduction to the Books of the Old Testament: Job
‘Why does God allow suffering?’ This is a frequently asked question of Christians, because we believe in a God who is both good and powerful and it is explored in the book of Job. This book is part of the wisdom literature, along with Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and Song of Solomon.
Job was both wealthy and righteous, yet he experienced catastrophic suffering, losing all his wealth, children and health. This is portrayed as a result of Satan’s challenge to God, testing whether Job’s devotion to God was dependent on his circumstances or not.
The main body of the book (3:1-42:6) consists of dialogues between Job, his friends (Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar) and God. Job and his friends assume that God is almighty and just, and that no human being is wholly innocent. In the three cycles of speeches they wrestle with the reasons for Job’s suffering, remembering his morally upright character.
Finally, all are silenced by God, as He speaks Himself (chs 38-42). He points out that Job knows very little about the universe when he reflects on God’s power. Job confesses his lack of understanding and weakness, but then goes on to confess his confidence and trust in God. This puts suffering in a right perspective. Job is not condemned, and the book ends with the restoration of his family and possessions.
The importance of this book is that it realistically addresses the painful questions of life, without offering simplistic answers. It focuses on how we should respond to suffering, rather than on why God allows suffering: ‘Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I shall depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.’ (1:21)
________________________________________________
1st December - Eloi, a Patron Saint for the Euro
___________________________________________
February Crossword
Across
8 Interrogated (Acts 12) (5-8)
9 ‘Burn it in a wood fire on the — heap’ (Leviticus 4) (3)
10 Tobit, Judith, Baruch and the books of Esdras and the Maccabees are part of it (9)
11 Science fiction (abbrev.) (3-2)
13 Clay pit (anag.) (7)
16 Went to (John 4) (7)
19 ‘To — your bodies as living sacrifices’ (Romans 12) (5)
22 ‘On — — let them escape’ (Psalm 56) (2,7)
24 Royal Automobile Club (1,1,1)
25 How the book of Ezekiel refers to God more than 200 times (Ezekiel 2) (9,4)
Down
1 Seas (Proverbs 8) (6)
2 One of the sons of Eli the priest, killed in battle (1 Samuel 4) (6)
3 Specialist in the study of the Muslim religion (8)
4 ‘But — him as if he were your father’ (1 Timothy 5) (6)
5 One of Esau’s grandsons (Genesis 36) (4)
6 Taking a chance (colloq.) (2,4)
7 ‘ — salt to — your offerings’ (Leviticus 2) (3,3)
12 Confederation of British Industry (1,1,1)
14 ‘They are always — to harm me’ (Psalm 56) (8)
15 The crowd’s reaction to Jesus bringing back to life a widow’s son in Nain (Luke 7) (3)
16 Disappear (Psalm 104) (6)
17 How Jeremiah was likely to die if he wasn’t rescued (Jeremiah 38) (6)
18 What the prophets do to a wall, with whitewash (Ezekiel 13) (4,2)
20 Made by a plough (Job 39) (6)
21 Noah was relieved when the flood waters continued to — (Genesis 8) (6)
23 Jesus gave the Twelve the power and authority to do this to diseases (Luke 9) (4)
January Answers
ACROSS: 1, Godlessness. 9, Egotism. 10, After. 11, Eat. 13, Sort. 16, Plan. 17, Escape. 18, Odds. 20, Idem. 21, No fear. 22, Idle. 23, Abet. 25, Ail. 28, Eaves. 29, Achieve. 30, Grasshopper.
DOWN: 2, Odour. 3, Lair. 4, Same. 5, Neat. 6, Settled. 7, Gershonites. 8, Grandmother. 12, Apples. 14, TES. 15, Octopi. 19, Deliver. 20, Ira. 24, Breve. 25, As is. 26, Lash. 27, Whip.
Winners Peter Warren
_______________________________________________________________________
February Anagrams
TELLING THE TIME
Rearrange these letters to form the names of 12 different kinds of clocks, watches and other devices for keeping track of time. Some of these are historical and no longer in general use. However, most of them include the letters for watch or clock. Answers may consist of one, two, three or four words.
1. CALL A MORCK 2. COL CACKLESONG 3. WITCH WARTS 4. I C MEETPIE 5. A SLOSH RUG 6. PECK THAT COW
7. WORK TACCLE 8. IN SALUD 9. T C WASHPOT 10. CORMONT HERE 11. THAT CLAIDWIG 12. WHOT COUNTY FLU CORKER
Compiled by Peter Warren
January Anagram Answers
FOLK MUSIC AND DANCE: Answers
1. ACCORDION 2. DULCIMER 3. CONCERTINA 4. ZITHER 5. ALPENHORN 6. CASTANETS 7. NORTHUMBRIAN PIPES
8. BALALAIKA 9. MARIMBA 10. DIDGERIDOO 11. TIN WHISTLE 12. SMALL PIPES
Winner Wyn Hirst
Send your answers with your name to the editors.
_________________________________________
February Sudoku
January Answer
Winner Jack Thompson
Iconic Bethlehem Carol Sheet celebrates 70 years in print
Editor: The Revd Dr Gary Bowness continues his tongue-in-cheek letters from ‘Uncle Eustace’…
The Rectory
St James the Least of All
My dear Nephew Darren
I was quite happy to see the young person from your church whom you are encouraging to get ordained – even though we did not entirely see eye to eye.
When I answered the door to someone dressed in T-shirt, jeans and trainers, I naturally assumed he was the gardener; it was only after I had given him the wheelbarrow and shown him where the spades were, that I found out who he really was. His assurance that this is how Jesus would dress, were He to visit in person again, jarred somewhat. I think that a three-piece suit and stout pair of brogues would be far more likely. We agreed to differ.
I was interested to hear that he was a church musician. Wanting to know if he sang tenor or bass, or even played the organ, he told me that he was the drummer in the worship band and provided backing vocals. I felt obliged to comment that I was not sure how that would fit in with Mattins, but he told me that he had never heard of that Service and only attended Mega Rock Praise. Since I suspected it would not have been written by Cranmer, we moved on.
I had hoped we may have been on safer ground when I asked him whether he preferred early perpendicular or Victorian gothic, but as he had apparently only ever worshipped in your converted cinema, he was unable to offer any opinion. His reaction to my offer to show him round our late Norman church, prompted him to tell me that he believed all churches should be closed and people should gather in each other’s homes, like the early Christians.
In a last despairing attempt to find common ground I asked him if he had ever preached. He was slightly apologetic to admit that he had done so very rarely, as he found it took such a long time to write an hour-long sermon. When I mentioned that I did not think I had ever exceeded eight minutes in my entire life, he gave me such a look of withering astonishment that with heroic Christian charity, I did not beat him over the head with the Bible he was carrying.
Your loving uncle,
Eustace
___________________________________________________________________
What sort of a Christmas card person are you?
____________________________________________
How much will you spend on Christmas this year?
_______________________________________________
Millions at breaking point as “shockingly low incomes” leave them hungry
_____________________________________
Canon Paul Hardingham gives thanks to the God who comes among us…
Christmas Geese
____________________________________________________
by Tim Lenton
The “cheek and chic, pose and poise” of Noel Coward
______________________________________________________________
Restrict number of dogs that can be walked
____________________________________________
David Pickup considers the coin in Christmas puddings
That coin in your Christmas pudding
_________________________________________________
Book Review
Prayer Book of Days – With Saints Through the Ages
By Gregory Cameron, Canterbury Press, £12.99
Popular author and illustrator Gregory Cameron offers 31 daily prayers from the treasury of Christian spirituality through the centuries.
The prayers included are from some giants of the faith – Augustine, Patrick, Benedict, Julian of Norwich, Francis of Assisi, Clare – and also lesser known figures right up to recent times. Each daily section includes an original icon-style illustration, a prayer, the story that lies behind it and a reflection on its significance in history and for faith today.
___________________________________________________
All in the month of February
It was:
125 years ago, on 27th Feb 1900 that the Labour Party was founded in the UK.
90 years ago, on 22nd Feb 1935 that US President Franklin D Roosevelt banned aircraft from flying over the White House – because the noise kept him awake at night. The ban remains in place today, but mainly now for security reasons.
Also 90 years ago, on 26th Feb 1935 that British radio engineer Robert Warson-Watt demonstrated a working radar system for the first time, in Daventry.
80 years ago, during Feb 1945 that Anne Frank died. The young Dutch Jewish diarist and Holocaust victim died in Bergen-Belsen concentration camp at the age of 15, probably from typhus.
75 years ago, on 8th Feb 1950 that the world’s first payment by credit card took place. The founders of Diners Club (now Diners Club International) used it to pay their restaurant bill at Majero’s Cabin Grill in New York City.
70 years ago, from 24th Feb 1955 to March that Britain’s Big Freeze took place. Deep snow and freezing temperatures caused havoc, with many places cut off. The RAF dropped food and medical supplies to affected areas, while thousands of sheep died from exposure.
65 years ago, on 8th Feb 1960 that the Hollywood Walk of Fame was established in Hollywood. It consists of more than 2,700 stars embedded in the pavement, that bear the names of notable figures from the entertainment industry.
Also 65 years ago, on 8th Feb 1960 that Queen Elizabeth II issued an Order-in-Council stating that she and her family would be known as the House of Windsor, and that her descendants would use the surname Mountbatten-Windsor.
50 years ago, on 11th Feb 1975 that Margaret Thatcher became the first female leader of the Conservative Party. She became Britain’s first female Prime Minister in 1979.
Also 50 years ago, on 14th Feb 1975 that P G Wodehouse died. This well-loved British-born American comic novelist, short story writer, lyricist and playwright is best known as the creator of Jeeves.
Also 40 years ago, on 16th Feb 1985 that the Islamic militant group and political party Hezbollah was founded in Lebanon.
Also 30 years ago, on 23rd Feb 1995 that James Herriot, veterinary surgeon and best-selling author, died. Best known for his autobiographical book All Creature Great and Small, which was adapted into a popular TV series.
Also 20 years ago, on 10th Feb 2005 that Charles, Prince of Wales, and Camilla Parker Bowles announced their engagement. They were married on 9th April 2005.
Also 20 years ago, on 14th Feb 2005 that YouTube, the online video-sharing service, was founded. It was purchased by Google in 2006.
Also 20 years ago, on 16th Feb 2005 that the Kyoto Protocol came into effect. The international treaty obliges industrialised nations to reduce their greenhouse gas emissions.
10 years ago, on 27th Feb 2015 that Leonard Nimroy, actor and film director, died. Best known for his role as Spock in the Star Trek films and TV series.
_______________________________________________________
Smile Lines
Hearing
A tiny lady was the guest preacher. A few minutes into her sermon, she paused and said: “Can you all hear me at the back?” A kind voice replied: “We can hear you fine. But sadly, we can’t quite see you.”
**
Church service
An auntie took her very young niece to church. When they returned home, her parents asked how it had gone. The little girl replied: “Well, the minister prayed, and I prayed. The minister sang, and I sang. The minister speaked, and auntie brought me home.”
**
Visit
The new vicar was doing the rounds to meet his parishioners. At one house where he knocked, a woman inside called out: “Is that you, Angel?”
The vicar hesitated, and then replied: “No, but I’m from the same department.”
**
Bishop
A vicar was expecting his Bishop to come for lunch. He told his small son to be very polite to the visitor, and to address him as ‘My Lord.’ As they all sat down, the bishop smiled at the little boy and asked him how old he was. The little boy gulped and said: “My God, I’m seven.”
**
Cow and choir
From a Cambridgeshire local newspaper in January 1900: ‘WANTED – a steady respectable man who is able to look after a garden, milk a cow, and sing in the church choir.”
**
Chocolate
A lovely heart-shaped box of chocolates was received on Valentine’s Day by a young student from her new boyfriend. On the enclosed card was the inscription: ‘To Helen, with all my allowance.’
**
Experience
“Dad,” asked little Ted, “what does ‘a man’s better half’ mean?”
“Usually,” his father said, “she means exactly what she says.”
**
Wedding dress
When my sister Andrea got married, she asked to wear my mother’s wedding dress. The day she tried it on, Mother’s eyes welled with tears. “You’re not losing a daughter,” I reminded her in time-honoured fashion. “You’re gaining a son.” “Oh, forget about that!” she said with a sob. “I used to fit into that dress!”
**
Lion
A Sunday school teacher was telling her youngsters about Daniel and the Lion’s Den. To illustrate the lesson, she drew a picture of Daniel standing, brave and confident, with a group of lions around him. Suddenly, one little girl started to cry. The teacher said, “Don’t cry. Daniel is going to survive.”
Snuffling back the tears the girl replied: “That’s not what I’m crying about. That little lion, over in the corner, isn’t going to get anything to eat.”
**
Boots
My young daughter needed new boots. When her friend arrived one morning in a lovely pair of new boots, I asked where she had got them. “At the store,” she answered. “Which one?” I asked patiently. She looked confused, and then down at her boots. “Both of them,” was her reply.
**
Father
My family was at the dinner table when my five-year-old daughter startled us all by announcing to my three-year-old son: “Dad is not your real father.” My son hotly denied this.
“No, he’s not,” she insisted. “God is your heavenly father.” Then pointing to my husband, she added: “That’s only our homely father!”
**
Car-ride
A teenager who had just received her provisional licence offered to drive her parents to church. After a hair-raising ride, they finally reached their destination. The mother got out of the car and said in a quiet but fervent voice: “Thank you!”
“Anytime,” her daughter replied.
As the woman slammed the car door she said, “I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to God.”
**
No news
A traveller was marooned in a small town because of a landslide caused by heavy rain. It fell in torrents for three days. Looking out of the window of the restaurant, he finally remarked to the waitress: “This is like the flood.”
“The what?”
“The flood. Surely you have heard about the great flood and Noah and the Ark?”
“Sorry, sir,” she replied. “The internet’s been down for three days.”
**
Daddy
Policeman to the vicar, found pacing outside the vicarage at three o’clock in the morning: “What are you doing here?”
Man: “I forgot my key, officer, and I’m waiting for my children to come home and let me in.”
**
Those notices which didn’t come out quite right…
Notice in health food shop window: Closed due to illness.
Spotted in a safari park: Elephants, please stay in your car.
In a Laundromat: Automatic Washing Machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
This coming Sunday our special service will be gin at 11:00am.
When parking on the north side of the church, please remember to park on an angel.
Jean will be leading a weight-management course on Wednesday nights. She’s used the programme herself and has been growing like crazy!
Volunteers are needed to spit up food for distribution.
This evening at 7:00pm there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
The King’s Bras will present a concert at our church this evening at 6:00pm.
**
The Great Outdoors
These are actual comments left on US Forest Service registration comment cards by backpackers:
“A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call.”
“Escalators would help on steep uphill sections.”
“Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness.”
“Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.”
“Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals.”
“Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.”
“Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.”
“Please pave the trails so they can be ploughed of snow in the winter.”
“The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.”
“Need more signs to keep area pristine.”
“A McDonald’s would be nice at the trail head.”
“Too many rocks in the mountains.”
**
Taste
A woman wasn’t feeling well and went to A&E. The nurse asked her: “Have you experienced a sudden loss of taste?”
“No,” admitted the woman sadly. “I’ve always dressed this way.”
**
More than cheese
Our choir had worked hard to raise money for new gowns. To celebrate our achievement, we decided to hold a special concert. The invites went out, and we were surprised at the amused reaction of our church members. Then we reread the invitation. We had invited them to a ‘Concert with Cheese and Wince.’
**
Blessed are they who can give without remembering, and take without forgetting.
Cleaning house with children at home is a lot like snow blowing during a blizzard.
Marriage has three states: cooing, wedding, and billing.
_______________________________________________
The views expressed in this magazine are those of the contributors and do not necessarily reflect those of St Mary's, it's clergy, the Church of England
or the Editors.